"Day 5"

The purpose of fasting is to not be so dependent on outside "wordly" things and addictions and focus on your relationship with GOD. Well this is day 5 of my fast and I have yet to master my connection and talking with GOD. Today was one of the most stressful days I have had in a while. When I get stressed or things don't go as I have planned I tend to shut down or take my frustrations out on any and everyone. I will admit that I did a lot of socializing on Twitter today, however it was not in a negative or venting manner so I am proud of the self control that I exhibited there. When the day began to get rougher and I started feeling sick I refrained from getting on the site and instead internalized what I was feeling. Internalizing anger is not healthy either, but it is better than allowing the world to share your moments of weakness. I was so exhausted and worn from doing more before 9 am than most do all day this morning that by 12 I was ready to call it a day. However my day was far from over and I could not sit down and rest, it was then that the craving for a Red Bull/lemonade slushy kicked it. I had to pray off the craving, asking GOD to ease the urge. I know this sounds crazy but addictions are different for everyone and this is one of mine. I am proud to only be addicted to Red Bull, when there are so many people going through addictions to things much worse.
I am embarking on this fast in an attempt to get closer to GOD, but to be honest I think I am afraid to submit to HIM fully. I have yet to block out all the outside noise and distractions and talk to GOD and sit and wait for an answer. My Godmother told me one day that instead of talking over him that I needed to listen, I needed to stop being so impatient and listen, because when I shut up it is then that I will truly be able to hear. This fast was not the idea of my pastor or the influence of anyone else it was my own. So I owe to myself to fully commit and get the most of it. If at the end of the 30 days I do not feel as though I have done so I will continue until my soul and heart is happy.
The Journey continues......
~B~