Isn't it funny how when you go through trials and tribulations there is always a song that relates to what you're going through? It's like when you are going through a break up or rough patch with your significant other every song on the radio makes you think of them in some way. You can't help but think that Mary is singing directly to you, or like Keyshia has been looking in your window and writing her lyrics to your troubles. Music for me has become a therapy and in most situations I can always find a song or songs that help ease the pain of what I am going through at that particular moment. But in reality, life is not a movie so it doesn't come with it's own soundtrack. We tend to find solace and contentment in songs because we think that the person singing the song or the writer who wrote it has been through the same things. Maybe they have or maybe they are just doing what they need to do to sell records. Whatever the reason they wrote the song and at times they taunt us. We listen to the lyrics and put the cd on replay often times crying as we think of our situation. It is so easy for us to find songs that relate to our pain but never any that relate to the good times. To the happiness and joy in our lives. Our soundtrack to life seems to only play when we are at our worst, when our hearts have been broken, when we only feel pain. It is your life, your script, your movie, therefore its your soundtrack. What music do you choose?
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
"Forgiveness"
"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark 11:25
Have you ever held a grudge against someone for something they said or did to you? I'm sure we all have, and for the time being it seems like that makes you feel better. It doesn't matter to you that you are blocking whatever blessings are supposed to come your way, it just matters that you are angry! So you continue your life with the same anger, hatred and unforgiving spirit. Soon things begin going downhill in your life and you wonder why. You have done everything right, you tell the truth, you speak to people when you walk past them, you pray, you even give money to the homeless man on the corner. So why is everything that was going so good now taking a turn for the worst? You sit and you think, trying to figure out what you could have done that was so wrong. You can't figure it out so you go on about your life trying to fix what seems to be broken. One day while you're out you run into that individual that had crossed you and you roll your eyes and the anger that you'd forgotten about emerges. You feel your blood start to boil and the heat rises from the inside out. Then it hits you, you are still angry. You are harboring ill feelings and not yet forgiven that person for their past indiscretion against you. Could this be it? Could this be why things in your life have taken a turn for the worst when they were going so well?
Who are we not to forgive? Jesus taught that we must forgive as GOD forgives. Even while on the cross he asked that those who had crucified him be forgiven because they knew not what they were doing. However it is also written that one must repent before he can ask for forgiveness. Now those that have caused you pain, sadness and angry may not apologize for their wrong doing against you nor forgiveness but you can not continue to hold on to that anguish. What most fail to realize is that when you are angry and spiteful towards someone you are giving them power over you. They know they can get to you and control some of your thoughts. We walk around angry and whoever we are angry with is living their life as if nothing has happened. They could care less that you are mad, hurt, whatever emotion you are feeling they aren't thinking about you. You are wasting energy, time and good facial muscles frowning and pouting. That other person could care less.
Stop blocking your blessings and forgive. You don't have to accept them back into your life, but forgivness is forgiveness. Find it in your heart to forgive them and ask for forgiveness for yourself for holding such a burden. Watch how life changes for you.
~B~
Have you ever held a grudge against someone for something they said or did to you? I'm sure we all have, and for the time being it seems like that makes you feel better. It doesn't matter to you that you are blocking whatever blessings are supposed to come your way, it just matters that you are angry! So you continue your life with the same anger, hatred and unforgiving spirit. Soon things begin going downhill in your life and you wonder why. You have done everything right, you tell the truth, you speak to people when you walk past them, you pray, you even give money to the homeless man on the corner. So why is everything that was going so good now taking a turn for the worst? You sit and you think, trying to figure out what you could have done that was so wrong. You can't figure it out so you go on about your life trying to fix what seems to be broken. One day while you're out you run into that individual that had crossed you and you roll your eyes and the anger that you'd forgotten about emerges. You feel your blood start to boil and the heat rises from the inside out. Then it hits you, you are still angry. You are harboring ill feelings and not yet forgiven that person for their past indiscretion against you. Could this be it? Could this be why things in your life have taken a turn for the worst when they were going so well?
Who are we not to forgive? Jesus taught that we must forgive as GOD forgives. Even while on the cross he asked that those who had crucified him be forgiven because they knew not what they were doing. However it is also written that one must repent before he can ask for forgiveness. Now those that have caused you pain, sadness and angry may not apologize for their wrong doing against you nor forgiveness but you can not continue to hold on to that anguish. What most fail to realize is that when you are angry and spiteful towards someone you are giving them power over you. They know they can get to you and control some of your thoughts. We walk around angry and whoever we are angry with is living their life as if nothing has happened. They could care less that you are mad, hurt, whatever emotion you are feeling they aren't thinking about you. You are wasting energy, time and good facial muscles frowning and pouting. That other person could care less.
Stop blocking your blessings and forgive. You don't have to accept them back into your life, but forgivness is forgiveness. Find it in your heart to forgive them and ask for forgiveness for yourself for holding such a burden. Watch how life changes for you.
~B~
Thursday, May 21, 2009
"The Ex"
The Etta James song "Church Bells" played a continuous melody in my head, "I heard church bells ringing, I heard the choir singing." I sat with the phone pressed against my ear , I had long since disconnected the call but I was trying to grasp what I'd just been told.
"I heard them promise to death due us part." I closed my eyes in attempt to pause the stream of tears that were sure to come. However my efforts weren't good enough and the tears overpowered me. I allowed the phone to slip from my hands as I used them to cover my face in helplessness and despair. I knew that I had no one to blame but myself. I was guilty of playing so many games that what had come wasn't really a shock at all. After five years of playing cat and mouse, me being the mouse I'd finally shaken my ex and gone completely underground. It was no secret that whenever I got ready I could walk back into his life and pickup where we had last left off it had always been that way. So I would go months at a time, changing my number, ignoring emails and so fourth. I would do whatever I wanted, I clubbed, drank, kicked it with other guys until I got tired. It wasn't until then that I would go back.
This last disappearing act lasted for a little over six months, but I allowed myself to get heartbroken by this chump I was hanging with and decided I was ready to make it official. Settle down and do the good girl housewife thing. Did I love him, sure, of course. I'd decided to call him up but to my surprise he didn't sound the least bit happy to hear from me.
"Oh hey." was his response when he realized it was me on the other end. That alone should have been my clue that something wasn't right, that things had changed between us. As usual I started conversation between us but it was dry.
"So what nigga done broke your heart this time?" I had to admit he knew my M.O. Instead of responding I just sat quiet as I reminisced on the past six months. I thought about how I'd given my all only to get nothing in return. I felt my face begin to burn as the anger rose from deep inside me.
"Look I'm getting married next month." His words were short and dull but they cut through my soul like the sharpest of knives. There were no words to speak so I sat there speechless thinking of a retort.
"Yeah I've finally given up on you, its time that I take care of me. It's been five years of going nowhere. I have always given you the benefit of the doubt but it's time that I move on."
"Oh okay" Were the only two words I could manage to think of. Careful never to show emotion, I was not the one to ever seem weak.
"Well congratulations I'm happy for you. Whoever she is she is one lucky woman." I was quick to end the conversation in efforts to avoid the emotions that were sure to come. "I'll talk to you soon" with that I pounded the end button.
"All I could do, All I do was cry! I was losing the man that I loved and all I could do was cry."
I sat in the same spot sobbing uncontrollably as the days of my life flooded my memory. Sure I'd made my mistakes, yes I'd done plenty of wrong but what had I done to deserve such a massive blow to the heart? This must've been my punishment for all the game playing, for all the lies and deceit. Was it too much to ask to be loved. Just as the bridge of the soulful song began to replay my phone startled me out of my trance. I answered and said nothing.
"Hey it's me."
"I heard church bells ringing! I heard a choir singing. I saw the man I love walk down the aisle!"
~B~
"I heard them promise to death due us part." I closed my eyes in attempt to pause the stream of tears that were sure to come. However my efforts weren't good enough and the tears overpowered me. I allowed the phone to slip from my hands as I used them to cover my face in helplessness and despair. I knew that I had no one to blame but myself. I was guilty of playing so many games that what had come wasn't really a shock at all. After five years of playing cat and mouse, me being the mouse I'd finally shaken my ex and gone completely underground. It was no secret that whenever I got ready I could walk back into his life and pickup where we had last left off it had always been that way. So I would go months at a time, changing my number, ignoring emails and so fourth. I would do whatever I wanted, I clubbed, drank, kicked it with other guys until I got tired. It wasn't until then that I would go back.
This last disappearing act lasted for a little over six months, but I allowed myself to get heartbroken by this chump I was hanging with and decided I was ready to make it official. Settle down and do the good girl housewife thing. Did I love him, sure, of course. I'd decided to call him up but to my surprise he didn't sound the least bit happy to hear from me.
"Oh hey." was his response when he realized it was me on the other end. That alone should have been my clue that something wasn't right, that things had changed between us. As usual I started conversation between us but it was dry.
"So what nigga done broke your heart this time?" I had to admit he knew my M.O. Instead of responding I just sat quiet as I reminisced on the past six months. I thought about how I'd given my all only to get nothing in return. I felt my face begin to burn as the anger rose from deep inside me.
"Look I'm getting married next month." His words were short and dull but they cut through my soul like the sharpest of knives. There were no words to speak so I sat there speechless thinking of a retort.
"Yeah I've finally given up on you, its time that I take care of me. It's been five years of going nowhere. I have always given you the benefit of the doubt but it's time that I move on."
"Oh okay" Were the only two words I could manage to think of. Careful never to show emotion, I was not the one to ever seem weak.
"Well congratulations I'm happy for you. Whoever she is she is one lucky woman." I was quick to end the conversation in efforts to avoid the emotions that were sure to come. "I'll talk to you soon" with that I pounded the end button.
"All I could do, All I do was cry! I was losing the man that I loved and all I could do was cry."
I sat in the same spot sobbing uncontrollably as the days of my life flooded my memory. Sure I'd made my mistakes, yes I'd done plenty of wrong but what had I done to deserve such a massive blow to the heart? This must've been my punishment for all the game playing, for all the lies and deceit. Was it too much to ask to be loved. Just as the bridge of the soulful song began to replay my phone startled me out of my trance. I answered and said nothing.
"Hey it's me."
"I heard church bells ringing! I heard a choir singing. I saw the man I love walk down the aisle!"
~B~
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
"Addicted"
Even in it's purest form it can be deadly. It's amazing how something that gives you such an addictive and tantalizing high can tear you down to your lowest point. Oh the price we pay for something that is so detrimental to our health, for a temporary fix, for an artificial feeling of happiness. For a brief moment after that first hit we find ourselves motionless, painless, and most of all untouchable. It isn't until you come down off that emotional, artificial high that you realize that you have a problem, more so an addiction, one that can cause great pain to not only yourself but to those around you that love and care for you the most. It doesn't matter who is hurt, that doesn't cross our mind because we are too busy trying to locate that next hit, wondering where in the hell the next fix is going to come from. If you don't get it then you itch, scratch, cry, shake. The fact that you are handicapping yourself doesn't mean a thing, you are addicted.
During your self detox you accidentally walk past a mirror and take a long hard look at the reflection looking back at you only to realize you have no idea who the hell that person is. You don't eat, you can't sleep, you have lost an unhealthy amount of weight. Not to mention the fact that you have isolated yourself from those around you, so you are alone trying to cope with your addiction. You ask yourself, "Is this really me? How did I let myself get to this point?" Instead of going out looking for a fix you decide to claim your life back, to kick the habit and enter the world of the living once again. But in the process of rehab and detox you fail to grasp the fact that once you're addicted you will forever be. Once the next "new" thing comes out you're going to be tempted to try that one too.
~Love is the slowest form of Suicide~
During your self detox you accidentally walk past a mirror and take a long hard look at the reflection looking back at you only to realize you have no idea who the hell that person is. You don't eat, you can't sleep, you have lost an unhealthy amount of weight. Not to mention the fact that you have isolated yourself from those around you, so you are alone trying to cope with your addiction. You ask yourself, "Is this really me? How did I let myself get to this point?" Instead of going out looking for a fix you decide to claim your life back, to kick the habit and enter the world of the living once again. But in the process of rehab and detox you fail to grasp the fact that once you're addicted you will forever be. Once the next "new" thing comes out you're going to be tempted to try that one too.
~Love is the slowest form of Suicide~
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
"Crazy Mike"
I ran into Mike dressed like a damn Matador!
Anybody who is truly from St. Louis and has been in the Delmar U-City Loop has come across "Crazy Mike". You know tall, dark skinned, lots of tattoos and peircings. Known for running up to any and everybody for no reason or his crazy outfits. True St. Louisans are far from bothered by Mike because he has never done anything to hurt anybody and to be honest he is funny as hell. But what most people don't know is that Mike had a promising future. Pay close enough attention to Mike and you will notice that he does alot of things that bring reference to basketball. That's because Michael had a future as a basketball player, he went to college and was drafted by the NBA. On the night of his celebration something was slipped into his drink and from there his mind began to slip. Mike is not crazy because he was born that way he lost his thoughts because of someone being evil. I lived next door to Mike for almost 8 years and he did what most teenaage boys do, put a bunch of trash in the dumpster and set it on fire, filled the dumpster with mattresses and jump off the roof into it. So like most people that walk the streets Mike has an untold story so before you judge him and turn your nose up to him think that he too is human and was dealt one hell of a hand. Instead of walking fast or ignoring him speak! (Dont start a conversation cause he will talk to you forever!) But speak, be cordial and see how you feel.Peace and Blessings ~B~
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Ask Harlem
Dear Harlem,
"I have been in a sexual relationship with this guy for a little over 5 months. Our agreement was that it was nothing serious that we would only have sex and do our best not to catch feelings. However I have found myself recently liking him more and more. He is not your average run of the mill guy, as matter of fact he is a pro-athlete. In my eyes I don't see him as anything different than a regular person. I have tried throwing hints to let him now that I am starting to like him for more than just sex. His response is always "Why break something that isn't broken?" Should I just come out and tell him that I am catching feelings or just leave things the way they are? I am afraid that if I tell him he will reject me and I will be left with my feelings hurt. Please help!"
Sincerely His Weekend Lover~
Dear His Weekend Lover,
I would have to agree with the guy. Most relationships that start off as nothing but sex remain as such. It is only in rare instances that these type of situations evolve into something more. We as women are emotional in nature therefore we are prone to catch feelings even when trying not to. I won't say that he doesn't have some sort of feelings for you because he is sleeping with you therefore there is some form of attraction.If you have thrown hints and his responses don't give you a satisfactory answer just leave it alone. If you feel you can no longer handle the situation then the best thing to do would be to let it go. Don't put yourself through further unnecessary heartbreak and upset.
Blessings ~B~
"I have been in a sexual relationship with this guy for a little over 5 months. Our agreement was that it was nothing serious that we would only have sex and do our best not to catch feelings. However I have found myself recently liking him more and more. He is not your average run of the mill guy, as matter of fact he is a pro-athlete. In my eyes I don't see him as anything different than a regular person. I have tried throwing hints to let him now that I am starting to like him for more than just sex. His response is always "Why break something that isn't broken?" Should I just come out and tell him that I am catching feelings or just leave things the way they are? I am afraid that if I tell him he will reject me and I will be left with my feelings hurt. Please help!"
Sincerely His Weekend Lover~
Dear His Weekend Lover,
I would have to agree with the guy. Most relationships that start off as nothing but sex remain as such. It is only in rare instances that these type of situations evolve into something more. We as women are emotional in nature therefore we are prone to catch feelings even when trying not to. I won't say that he doesn't have some sort of feelings for you because he is sleeping with you therefore there is some form of attraction.If you have thrown hints and his responses don't give you a satisfactory answer just leave it alone. If you feel you can no longer handle the situation then the best thing to do would be to let it go. Don't put yourself through further unnecessary heartbreak and upset.
Blessings ~B~
St Louis Night Life
It seems that the night life scene here in St. Louis is dwiddling down to a few select spots. As we all know due to the recent triple murders outside of club Society earlier this month it's doors have been closed for good. It was also reported that Lush was closed as well however this was a rumor and it was only closed temporaily.
Where does that leave the St. Louis clubbers? Of course there is the Loft on Olive which has been holding it down for the past few years. The owners Dre and Drexel are not the least bit worried, they always have their ducks in a row. Security is consistent as well as the rules and dresscode they enforce. There is also EXO, Black Label, Lure and 15 all in the same vacinity of one another. EXO has gained momentum thanks to the fellas of FreemTime and Groove Theory Thursdays which is quite the set if you are looking for an old school party with a new school atmosphere. Lure is more of a mixed crowd except on Thursdays when Redd Hott Thursdays takes over. I have not yet been to 15 or Black Label but I have heard nothing but good reviews.
There is also Sleek located inside Lumiere as well as Club HOME located inside the Ameristar and the SkyBox downtown. Of course we can't forget the Venue located in the heart of Wellston. When choosing your nightlife hang out you must weigh the crowd, safety, and location. You don't want to put yourself in harms way. Some spots are more low key than others. St. Louis is losing when it comes to night life but with a little bit of effort our city can make a come up.
There are always plenty of cameras to capture almost any moment. Check out my homies over at Louflicks.com to see some of the latest club pics! Follow them on Twitter @ twitter.com/louflickstl
Be safe STL
Peace and Blessings ~B~
Where does that leave the St. Louis clubbers? Of course there is the Loft on Olive which has been holding it down for the past few years. The owners Dre and Drexel are not the least bit worried, they always have their ducks in a row. Security is consistent as well as the rules and dresscode they enforce. There is also EXO, Black Label, Lure and 15 all in the same vacinity of one another. EXO has gained momentum thanks to the fellas of FreemTime and Groove Theory Thursdays which is quite the set if you are looking for an old school party with a new school atmosphere. Lure is more of a mixed crowd except on Thursdays when Redd Hott Thursdays takes over. I have not yet been to 15 or Black Label but I have heard nothing but good reviews.
There is also Sleek located inside Lumiere as well as Club HOME located inside the Ameristar and the SkyBox downtown. Of course we can't forget the Venue located in the heart of Wellston. When choosing your nightlife hang out you must weigh the crowd, safety, and location. You don't want to put yourself in harms way. Some spots are more low key than others. St. Louis is losing when it comes to night life but with a little bit of effort our city can make a come up.
There are always plenty of cameras to capture almost any moment. Check out my homies over at Louflicks.com to see some of the latest club pics! Follow them on Twitter @ twitter.com/louflickstl
Be safe STL
Peace and Blessings ~B~
"The Power"
I was speaking to a high school girl's group on the importance of self love and one of the moderators recited this poem I felt that it spoke volumes. I asked for her permission to share it with the world so what better to start my blog than with this.
when it was the Creator who carried you across the burning sand
You was happy for a while cause his body made you smile
until he left you in exile to support you and his child
Haven’t you learned yet, you can’t sleep with every man who makes you wet
and with every let down you forget that what you ask him for is what you get
Sistahs hold on to the faith you have inside there are other sistahs feeling you far and wide
Sacrificing your dignity is wrong holding onto the faith is what makes you strong
it’s the Creator who will be with you when that brotha is up and gone
Love yourself as he loves you; make the Man above your first boo
and for every blessing you give, you will get back two
if you make him first in everything you do
Cause you don’t need no shake downs or breakdowns causing you to lose you
Keep your mind strong keep your soul true and give the power back to the Creator
Lisa First 99'
Women often give men all of their power when it comes to being in relationships. Whether it is their father, a boyfriend, husband etc. There comes a time when we as women have to stand up and take that power back. We are far more powerful that what most believe, we have the ability to create, carry and give life. What is more powerful than that?
Peace and Blessings ~B~
"The Power"
So there you go again putting your power in man when once again he’s let go of your handwhen it was the Creator who carried you across the burning sand
You was happy for a while cause his body made you smile
until he left you in exile to support you and his child
Haven’t you learned yet, you can’t sleep with every man who makes you wet
and with every let down you forget that what you ask him for is what you get
Sistahs hold on to the faith you have inside there are other sistahs feeling you far and wide
Sacrificing your dignity is wrong holding onto the faith is what makes you strong
it’s the Creator who will be with you when that brotha is up and gone
Love yourself as he loves you; make the Man above your first boo
and for every blessing you give, you will get back two
if you make him first in everything you do
Cause you don’t need no shake downs or breakdowns causing you to lose you
Keep your mind strong keep your soul true and give the power back to the Creator
Lisa First 99'
Women often give men all of their power when it comes to being in relationships. Whether it is their father, a boyfriend, husband etc. There comes a time when we as women have to stand up and take that power back. We are far more powerful that what most believe, we have the ability to create, carry and give life. What is more powerful than that?
Peace and Blessings ~B~
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