Desperado

Have you ever met a certified bed jumper? Known someone who jumps from bed to bed or relationship to relationship in an attempt to fill a void? I heard someone say the other day that "it feels good to be a priority again." For some reason this did something to me, why weren't you a priority to begin with? The problem with a lot of people today is that we are so quick to make someone else a priority when we are only an option for them. Over recent years I have come vastly into my own as a woman, so going into relationships I am well aware of my self worth and value. I am not going to compromise my value for any man by making him a priority over myself. (Am I making sense?) I see people de-value themselves daily in an attempt to make another person happy. Women change they way they wear their hair or the way they dress just because the man they are with doesn't like it or approve. So what?? Obviously he didn't have a problem with it when you were single and he was all over you so what is the problem now? Don't become something that you are not to please others. Now I am not saying there is anything wrong with compromising as an effort to make your relationship work, but there is a fine line between compromise and submission.

Men are also guilty of doing things out of desperation. Men have to be the tough ones so they put on a show, like they can't get their feelings hurt. Then they go jump from chick to chick trying to prove a point. (Give it up! If you are hurt just say that.) There is no point in lowering your self worth just to make your ex jealous. There are too many diseases out here to be bed jumping. It is human nature to be heartbroken, but the rebound isn't going to heal that hurt it only covers it up like Maybelline. Now I am no relationship expert and these are merely my opinions and observations, but from what I have seen they are accurate. It takes time to heal any wound, settling only makes you look like a desperado. Just my thoughts though, I mean who am I??

Florida Evans 101

Growing up I was raised by my mother, a single parent and my grandmother who has been married now for over 40 years. I can honestly say I was exposed to what it means to be a wife and a mother from watching these two women. In a previous post I talked about young women these days not knowing what it looks like or means to be a wife, they'd rather settle for being a "babymama". To me this is ass backwards, why put yourself in a situation where you could end up raising your children alone? Yes I said my mother was a single parent but that was due to divorce, I was not the product of fornication. Yes I am a babymama but that was never the plan but now that I am I have to make the best of things. That is one mistake I will never make again, I am getting older and am ready to be a wife. (Notice I said WIFE not live-in, in house or girlfriend.) Unbeknownst to many I am a devout christian, I believe in GOD and the word. Therefore believing that woman is made from man for man. (Sounds prehistoric I know but this is what I was taught.) I am a strong believer in soul mates and there being that one person that GOD made just for me. To think that HE took the time to create someone only for me is an amazing feeling, so why would I not want to prepare myself, mind, body and spirit for him? As women we sometimes fail to realize that we are one of GOD's greatest creations, without us there would be no life. We give ourselves to people who are undeserving and what happens?? We end up a babymama!

I take notes from the women I grew up watching, my mother, grandmother, Florida Evans and Claire Huxtable. A man wants to be treated like a man, made to feel like a man, a King none the less. I am not saying submit by any means but allow that man to play his role, in order to do that you must know yours. Get in the kitchen and make him a meal, listen to him talk about his day, be his solace in times or turmoil but most of all commit you him 100%. (Lets not forget all the freaky ish you need to do in the bedroom.) Be a woman to your man and you will be a wife....

In this Together~Ossie and Ruby

"It occurred to us from observation and reasoning, that extramarital sex was not what really destroyed marriages, but rather the lies and deception that invariably accompanied it--that was the culprit. So we decided to give ourselves permission to sleep with other partners if we wished--as long as what we did was honest as well as private, and that neither of us exposed the family to scandal or disease. we had to be discreet and, if the word can be apt, honorable in our behavior, both to ourselves, to whomever else might be involved and most of all to the family." ~Source "In This Life Together with Ossie and Ruby" A joint biography page 317

You could have bought me for a penny when I was researching one of Black America's favorite couples and found out they had an open marriage for many years. I have always admired these two and for some reason after learning this I gained a new level of respect for them. As I continued reading I came across a quote by Ruby; "But we both came to realize that we were very fortunate that, in all of the deep profound, fundamental ways, we really, really only wanted each other. It was like rediscovery of something from the beginning. But often Ossie has said-and I've thought too-the best way to have somebody is the let it go. If it doesn't come back you are free in another kind of sense-in that you find the strength to let go and wish somebody well."
This statement alone shows the power of true love, two people who felt that sleeping with other people would somehow free them and allow them the ability to love one another deeply found that they only wanted each other to begin with. While both Ossie and Ruby were married prior to their union they remained happily married for 56 years, when they took their vows it truly was until death, when Ossie passed away in 2005 they were still happily married.
It's sad to say but people just don't stay together that long. Almost as if we are so quick to jump into a relationship without knowing what it takes to make it work or to be healthy. Often times we make fast assumptions on someone being the right person for us without knowing what or who that person truly is, no relationship can survive like that. I look around and I see fewer and fewer healthy black relationships, women constantly dogging men and saying they are this and they are that. Sometimes you have to stop pointing the finger and start working towards a solution. Love of any color is an amazing thing. Make it work.

Fashion Obsession "Off the Shoulder Tops"

I have never been one to go with the trends, I'm a simple chick. I prefer jeans, flip flops and a tank over a dress and heels any day. However as I have gotten older I find myself falling into the "what's hot" and "what's not" when it comes to dressing. Recently I have found myself falling in love with the "off the shoulder" top. Without purposely doing so I recently purchased 3 tops that are made to fall off the shoulder. I have seen several women attempt to pull this look off. (Notice I said attempt, the women I saw weren't successful)I have some oversized t-shirts that I wear around the house or to run errands and even in these shirts I find that I feel comfortable and sexy. I asked some of my "fashionistas" how to properly pull this off to keep from falling into the "what's not" hot category when I wore these shirts. The homegirl Tiffany writer for said that the look is best pulled off with a clean shoulder. Meaning no bra no tank top underneath, she said this makes the look a lot sexier and sheek. With her advice I am now confident in wearing my new fashion obsession item with out running the risk of looking too 1980's FlashDance. I am starting to see this sexy, simple, sheek look more and more, I'm not one to follow trends set by others but this is one I think I am going to join.

Posh Spice aka Victoria Beckham has always been a fashion icon but this look alone crowns her!
Hayden Pantierre is sexy and sleek in this simple off the shoulder pink top and jeans

THROWBACK VIDEO OF THE WEEK

One of my all time favorite songs has always been "Nasty Girl" by Vanity 6. Why I have no idea, people tend to think that women being nasty via music just started in recent years. This song needless to say was the "hoe" anthem of the 80's....in my opinion it will always be a classic.

Joint Custody

Co-parenting is one of the hardest things to do when you are not with the other parent, whether married or in a committed relationship. A lot of parents find themselves struggling with the ability to raise a child effectively as one when they are not functioning as a unit. I have come in contact with a lot of young fathers who want so badly to be an active part of their children's lives but are not given the chance to do so because of bitter feelings from the child's mother. What women fail to realize that while you may be hurting the man it is the child who is suffering the most in the end. A father is an important part of any child's life no matter if it is a boy or a girl. A good man is hard to come by especially one who wants to actually take care of his responsibility. So what if a man doesn't want to be with you, the way he feels about you doesn't affect his love for his children. custody battles are the most degrading thing, because your entire life is put under a microscope. Women think that because they have a child they are able to control a man's life. STOP thinking with this mentality, if a man wants to be a part of his kid's life put all that bitter angry shit aside and allow him to do so. A close friend of mine hipped me to a young artist by the name of Don Trip who speaks about his son and his son's mother. He is extremely voicestress about the fact that she won't allow him to see his son. Here is his open letter to his son.~To be continued~

It's My Baby Mama~part one~

"It's my baby mama! YEEE ain't know? I'm on child support! She get welfare checks but I stay in court." ~Three 6 Mafia "Baby Mama~

For some reason my generation of women are of a totally different breed, so many of them are content being just a "baby mama". It is true that we are the generation of the single mother but that doesn't mean our mothers were baby mamas, most of them were married to our fathers at some point. I being a baby mama understand that situations happen and children come into this world unexpectedly but does that honestly have to become the norm? I will be honest, I never wanted to have children so the fact that I am someone's "baby mama" disturbs me but it is something that I have come to terms with and my son's father and I have an understanding and are on great terms. I could be the drama queen that I am known to be and make his life miserable but what would that accomplish? Absolutely nothing so why even go through that? Too many women are out here making babies with men that have no intentions on being with them and think this is ok. No it is not stop thinking with this mind frame, children need to grow up with a mother and a father I am a firm believer in this. Women have babies thinking this is going to keep a man or make him want her, No maam! If a man truly does not want to be with you a child is not going to change his state of mind. I am not knocking baby mamas because again I am one. I wouldn't change having my son for the world but if I had the chance to do it all again I would wait until I was married to bring life into this world. What happened to being a wife? What happened to having a family? Yes a family is what you make it and can consist of a mother and her children but that's not the American dream. Women these days have lost sight of what we should have been taught growing up. But how can we expect young women to know how to be a wife if they weren't exposed to what a wife looks like? ~To be continued~

Random Hearts ~Valentine's Day Rant

As Valentine's day vastly approaches people (mostly women) are preparing themselves by looking for the perfect gift for their significant other, spending hours in the malls putting together the perfect outfit and much more. For some this holiday is major, bigger than Christmas and more special than their birthday. Me personally, I don't care either way. In the past 10 years I have celebrated once (NO I am not bitter) I just can't seem to find excitement in something that I never was exposed to in a positive way. I am not knocking anyone who celebrates the day by all means enjoy. In my opinion this is a day set aside for men to kiss ass for all the fucking up they did in the 365 days between last February 14th and this one. Why does a day have to be set aside to show that you love someone? Shouldn't you make that known EVERYDAY? Valentine's Day is a day that stores, greeting card companies and candy manufacturers can capitalize. Think about how much money people spend on buying that perfect gift and searching for the right card. Sure greeting cards are clever but can you really sum up the way you feel about the person you have been with for 10 years in 10 lines? How does some random card writer know how you feel? (Again, I am NOT knocking the holiday or those who celebrate it). All I'm saying is that if you truly love someone, your love should be celebrated daily, you should let them know they are appreciated on a regular. Sure the ring for Jared's is a nice surprise and the candlelight dinner for two on the rooftop is a nice touch but don't you think on Valentine's Day that's expected? Be spontaneous in love and celebrate your relationship on February 28th. I'm just sayin', but then again I am single so who am I to talk?

WHO are YOU? ~a random rant~

"Real recognize real and you looking kind of unfamiliar."

Coming from a world of who's who I have learned that everybody wants to be somebody, even me. Who doesn't want to live life on easy street? Where money is no object and everybody knows your name? If the world was meant to operate in this manner wouldn't fame and fortune come easy? The world is not meant to have a thousand people doing the same thing or looking exactly alike. Its kind of like a Where's Waldo page, everything is similar and looks almost identical but there is only one true Waldo. Does that make sense? It seems as if people just aren't content being themselves, they have to keep up with the Jones' or out due the next person who is also trying to be something they are not. Everyone is in competition with someone else when in reality the only competition should be yourself. I look at a lot of these young women nowadays and it is amazing and how nothing about them is real. Fake nails, fake hair, fake lashes, fake purses like where is the real you? Who are you??? Do you even know what lies underneath all that make-up and lashes? How can you trust someone who doesn't trust you enough to show you who they really are?
It is okay to be on a search for who you are and where you are headed in life. Not everyone is always sure of themselves, and it takes some reflection and self discovery to find that person. Some people live in fear of others not liking the real them so they hide behind a mirage of a person. Is this making sense because I feel like someone isn't going to understand what I'm saying. LOL Will the REAL you PLEASE stand up???

Color CLAWs

I LOVE LOVE LOVE nail polish! Did I mention I LOVE it? I was always playing in different colors growing up, of course when I got old enough I got sculptured nails. Recently, for the first time since I was 16 I removed my nails and have been sporting a manicure. I believe that not all colors look good on acrylic nails when they are a certain length. I allowed the length of my nails to fluctuate so I didn't do too much with the polish. Now that I am natural I have a lot more flexibility. RED has been my go to hue for the past couple of weeks, there is something so sexy and classic about perfectly manicured red nails. During these last couple of winter months it's okay to wear dark colors such as black or a dark blue, I found myself in love with a shade called "Dance with the Devil" however with spring vastly approaching it will soon be time to go from dark to light. I personally enjoy a lot of bright colors such as yellow or a hot pink. OPI has the best polish shades with their ever evolving and unique themed colors. Who knows what the spring holds for me and my ever changing hands. Matte polish is also becoming a new trend. This polish doesn't give the shine, it gives off a dull pale look that is ultra sleek...so as spring vastly approaches what will your hands say about you?

The Color Complex

Miscegenation: The mixing of different racial groups through marriage, cohabitation, procreation and sexual relations. via http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miscegenation

Being of fair complexion I am always asked the question, "Which one of your parents is white?" My answer. "NEITHER!" and for some reason it is always said with much attitude. Just because an African-American is light skinned does not mean they are a product of an inter-racial relationship or sexual encounter. However I am of mixed ethnic background, just not of the norm, I am African-American, Native American and Mexican. Because of my fair skin, long hair and hazel eyes I suffered from what I call a color complex growing up. I didn't exactly fit in with the black kids because I wasn't dark enough, and I didn't want to fit in with the white because hell, I wasn't white. I was often teased and taunted by the by the girls with dark skin and thicker hair, "You think you cute because you got long hair and pretty eyes?" Which I didn't, it wasn't a big deal that I was light skinned, I was a person just like them. Right? Wrong! I went through my years growing up with this being an issue, it wasn't until I got older and saw the movie "School Daze" by Spike Lee that I honestly understood just how deep the color complex truly was and still is.

Based at a fictitious historically black college this movie explores the issues that races encounter. The Wannabes and the Jiggaboos, wannabes being the light skinned women with long hair (weave or natural) and light eyes and the jiggaboos being the dark women with the naturally nappy hair. They called each other everything from nappyhead, tar baby, wanna be white to barbiedoll. Growing up I was called high yellow, house nigga, porch monkey, octoroon and anything else disrespectful the dark skinned girls could think of that could possibly hurt my feelings. I had to learn to be comfortable in my own skin in order to get over my color complex. I am who and I am, GOD made me this way for a reason and there was nothing anyone could say, light dark, pink or purple that would change that. Still to this day at the age of 25 almost 26 I still get called a house nigga or high yellow, but it doesn't bother me because at the end of the day MY black no matter what percentage is BEAUTIFUL!!!