Florida Evans 101

Growing up I was raised by my mother, a single parent and my grandmother who has been married now for over 40 years. I can honestly say I was exposed to what it means to be a wife and a mother from watching these two women. In a previous post I talked about young women these days not knowing what it looks like or means to be a wife, they'd rather settle for being a "babymama". To me this is ass backwards, why put yourself in a situation where you could end up raising your children alone? Yes I said my mother was a single parent but that was due to divorce, I was not the product of fornication. Yes I am a babymama but that was never the plan but now that I am I have to make the best of things. That is one mistake I will never make again, I am getting older and am ready to be a wife. (Notice I said WIFE not live-in, in house or girlfriend.) Unbeknownst to many I am a devout christian, I believe in GOD and the word. Therefore believing that woman is made from man for man. (Sounds prehistoric I know but this is what I was taught.) I am a strong believer in soul mates and there being that one person that GOD made just for me. To think that HE took the time to create someone only for me is an amazing feeling, so why would I not want to prepare myself, mind, body and spirit for him? As women we sometimes fail to realize that we are one of GOD's greatest creations, without us there would be no life. We give ourselves to people who are undeserving and what happens?? We end up a babymama!

I take notes from the women I grew up watching, my mother, grandmother, Florida Evans and Claire Huxtable. A man wants to be treated like a man, made to feel like a man, a King none the less. I am not saying submit by any means but allow that man to play his role, in order to do that you must know yours. Get in the kitchen and make him a meal, listen to him talk about his day, be his solace in times or turmoil but most of all commit you him 100%. (Lets not forget all the freaky ish you need to do in the bedroom.) Be a woman to your man and you will be a wife....

"Gossip"

GOSSIP: idle talk or rumor, esp. about the personal or private affairs of others.

"Those who gossip TO you will gossip ABOUT you!"~ I'm not sure who was the originator of this comment but it was quoted to me by a very good friend. Lately I have been using the word "friend" with extreme caution, over the past few months people have shown themselves for who they TRULY are. The same friend who ran this quote to me, also told me that I am a bad judge of character and that I befriend all of the wrong the people. For a long time I was in denial and refused to take what he was saying as truth. I am confident in calling him my friend because in the three years we have known each other he has always had my best interest at heart. All relationships endure pains, that just comes with getting to know someone and their personality but that doesn't stop a good friend from being a GOOD friend.

FRIEND: a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

A person who truly cares for you, your feelings and your well-being will never talk behind your back. That's just not what friends do. I am guilty of at some points talking about a friend behind their back and the consequences when they found out where more than I could handle. I can honestly say that I will never put myself in that position of betrayal ever again, especially with all the love I have for that person. Women are notorious for calling other women and talking about someone in their circle; a so called "friend" of theirs. So what would make the woman on the other end of the phone listening to the bullshit her friend is talking believe that she won't or doesn't do the same shit to her? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that more times than not that she is being Chit Chatty Cathy to others about you. Now this may never come to light and in most situations it does not, but when it does what is a typical reaction? Do you cut all ties with your fake ass friend? Call them out on their gossiping about you? Or do you leave it alone and take one for the team of ME? Insecurities so themselves by way of people putting others down. A true friend will never betray the bond or trust between you and them. Gossip can ruin relationships, reputations and lives. Look at the lives famous people lead, always in the limelight, living under a microscope for normal everyday people to have something to gossip about. But gossip doesn't discriminate, you don't have to be rich, a movie star, or famous for someone to be miserable enough to talk about you.

I used to enjoy giving people something to talk about, to gossip about, to have a reason to have my name in conversation. As I grow older and mature into true womanhood I find that I want to be less of an open book. I want to live a private and uninterrupted life, but due to my past need for attention and to be in the spotlight that is proving to be a harder task than I bargained for. In order to take steps toward my privacy and my life being MINE, I have deleted all social networking sites, no more Twitter or Facebook. I am going to continue my writing via my blog because it allows me to express myself in a positive and uplifting manor. I have begin taking steps towards my ultimate happiness, I am not sure what all that includes but I do know that in the end all of my hard work is going to pay off. Then and only then will I be confident that I have given them something to talk about! GOSSIP!

"The Note"

I'd just endured a day from hell and was looking forward to a relaxing evening at home with my boyfriend. It had been the typical run of the mill bullshit day at the office. I was working a dead end job that barely required neurons. Not to mention the fact that I was working under a woman who got her position because she was fucking the company's president. My co-workers, well lets just say they were the poster children for simplicity. Needless to say I was excited about the evening ahead. On my way home I tried relaxing with a little Sade "Is it a Crime" was my jam. I never wanted to take my day's frustrations home to my man. I wanted to be able to enjoy him and his company. Just as I was pulling into my sub-division my cell phone rang.
"Hey you." I answered, anticipating him telling me something to make me smile.
"Hey Boo." I could tell by the tone in his voice that he was calling bearing bad news.
"What's wrong Babe?" I asked turning Sade down and focusing my attention on what he was about to say.
"I'm not going to be able to make it tonight. Same came up at the studio." My hopes of a relaxing evening underneath him came crashing down.
"Oh, okay. I understand." I was trying not to allow my frustration and anguish to show.
"I'm sorry Baby, I'll make it up to you I promise." I didn't even take the time to respond before pressing end and tossing my phone to the floor on the passenger side. I was calling him all kinds of niggas and motherfuckas as I pulled into my driveway. I collected my belongings leaving my phone in its spot on the floor. I wasn't planning on talking to anyone anyway, not after the day I was having.
I angrily stuck my key in the door almost missing the note attached to it. I snatched the note down and pushed the door closed with my foot while reading the words so neatly written:
"Hello Beautiful. I know I can't be with you tonight but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself." All I could was blush as I continued reading:
"I lit your favorite candles, lavender of course. I also ran you a nice hot bubble bath. So make your way to the bathroom and leave all the troubles of your day at the front door, they are no longer important." I did as I was told and headed straight to the bathroom where there was in fact a tub full of bubbles and yellow rose petals. The room was illuminated with candles of all shapes and sizes and smelled of soothing lavender. An immediate sense of relaxation and sexiness came over me as I began to peel off my clothes piece by piece. Taped to the bathroom mirror there was a second note with more instructions:
"Not only are you beautiful in the physical but mentally as well. Tonight I want your mind just as relaxed as your body. So partake in some emotional stimulation by slowly sipping this glass of Reisling (your favorite right?) and allow the soothing sounds of Bilal to take you to your favorite place." I stepped into the tub one foot at a time and slid slowly down into the water which was just the right temperature. I allowed my muscles to relax and set my mind at ease. I closed my eyes and began drifting to my favorite place as he had directed. Moments later I felt a pair of strong hands take a gentle hold on my shoulders....... To be continued.

~B~

"Addicted to the Game"

"The Mile High Club"

Hayden had my travel agent book us an emergency flight home to St. Louis for fear that the next time I may not be so lucky. Every beating was always worst than the last and I knew that eventually Xavier was going to kill me. He knew the one thing that I cared about the most was my looks, so he began doing things to me in his fits of rage that would scar me in such a way that I would have to out of work for an extended period of time. I threw on a pair of jeans and a tank top, with a scarf around my neck to cover up the 5-inch gash on my neck. In a failed attempt to cover the bruises around my eyes I just decided to throw a pair of wide dark shades on instead. My lip was swollen and I had an unbearable headache that even my Tramadol couldn't ease. I had only taken enough clothes to get me and Aiden through for about a week. I knew that if need be I had the means of going shopping for us both. I had called my mother to let her know that the four of us were coming to see her. She immediately started to worry, she knew that the only reason we ever came home was for her birthday in May and Christmas; it was the middle of July.
"Ma, Hady and I are bringing the kids and we are coming to see you." I tried to hide the pain my voice, careful of my mother's feelings.
"Baileigh Ray what's wrong? Is my grandson okay? Where is your sister?" She came at me with question after question that I wasn't prepared to answer at that moment.
"We are all fine, Hayden is right here. Our flight leaves in about an hour and it is a direct flight so we will see you this evening. We have arranged for a car to pick us from the airport." I wanted to get her off the phone as soon as quickly as possible I hated lying to her.
"Alright. Well ya'll be careful. Kiss Aiden and Reign for me. I'll see you shortly. I love you."
"Love you too lady." With those words I ended the call. I looked over at my sister who was coloring with Aiden and Reign. It was amazing how different we were. I had all the beauty I could ever ask for yet I had half the confidence and strength I should. There was a time in my life that I felt like I was on top of the world. I couldn't have told me that I would be sitting in an airport battered and bruised waiting for an airplane to take me to back to misery. As we sat waiting for them to board the plane I thought back to a few months prior when things were going just as they should. I closed my eyes and allowed the memories to ease my mind.
“Damn Hayden Marie will you please come the hell on?!” I swear she moved like a snail when she truly did not want to do something.
“I am Bailiegh shit! Rushing me like you ain’t colored!” Her smart-ass mouth was one thing that ground my damn gears. If she didn’t have the same full lips as me I’d slap her in them! She knew that this was an event that I couldn’t miss and she knew I wanted her there with me. So why she was being so fucking difficult in her choice of wardrobe was beyond my slight of imagination. “Hayden gotdamnit! We brought four big ass suitcases full of clothes so please put together an ensemble and come on!” Now her ass was about to get left, it was twenty till eight and we had at least a thirty-minute ride in traffic. While I waited I decided to give myself a once over for the fifth time in the full-length hall mirror. Because this was a special night for me I decided to turn up my swag. I was rocking a simple black Dolce and Gabbana pantsuit with satin trim down the legs. My jacket was tailored to fit my body in all the right places. The three satin buttons held the jacket together and pushed my already perfect 36Ds up to form a perfect V. I was wearing a pair of red satin Jimmy Choo stilettos to boost my five foot two frame up an extra 3-inches. I was wearing the diamond cross pendent my mother gave me and Hady on our eighteenth birthday and a pair of diamond hoops. My hair was neatly pinned up in a bun and my make-up was flawless as usual. By the time I’d gotten done making sure nothing was out of place Hayden was bouncing out of the bathroom wearing a strapless black satin dress by Donna Karen that was to die for. She was titter tottering on a pair of red 6-inch Manolo Blanik opened toed stilettos. Her hair flowed down past her shoulders in an array of golden layers and framed her flawless make-up less face.
“Well it’s about damn time! Can we go now?” I asked opening the door to the suite and stepping aside for her to walk ahead of me. Hayden strutted her way past me and flung her hair as if to say, “No what bitch!” I just shook my head and followed behind her down the to the lobby where our car was waiting.
“So who is supposed to be at this party?” Hayden asked a few minutes into our ride to the city. “I heard this is like the event of the spring.” She was now looking at herself in a hand mirror making sure nothing was out of place.
“I am not really sure, I heard there were going to be a lot of high profile athletes, entertainers like Diddy and Keyhsia you know the normal run of the mill celeb party.” We were used to these kinds of parties so we weren’t the least bit pressed on who we were going to run into. I was on the other excited about my new contract I’d just signed to become the spokes model for an up and coming New York fashion designer A-Skye. This had been a life altering choice, I knew this meant being apart from my sister for the first time in our lives. The thought of being so far from her brought tears to my eyes, but I knew that it was time that I let go and did my own thing, I depended on her for way too long. We pulled up to the Jay-Z’s 40/40 club at exactly 8:45. There were people everywhere, standing waiting to see who was going to be the next person to walk the red carpet.
“You ready Bay?” Hayden said grabbing my hand and squeezing it. I almost started to cry as I held onto her hand for dear life.
“Yes ma’am I am.” The driver opened the door and I stepped into a whole new life.

"Addicted to the Game" (What's your addiction?)

“Hady!” I screamed her name as I rushed into her arms, the bloody stains on my face marring the fabric of her lilac wife beater. “Hady! I can’t believe it’s really you!” I almost couldn’t fathom that for once in my life, God seemed to have gotten it right. I really thought this was the end. I thought for sure he had come back to finish me off. But instead, my angel, my sister, came to my rescue like she has more than a few times in our short lives.
“Bay! What the hell happened to you? Tell me who did this! Tell me!!” Hayden looked like someone had just killed her best friend, and in a way, they almost had. I had just endured a beating so terrible that it knocked me out cold, and the only blessing is that I couldn’t remember a thing. I don’t even know how I made it back to our house, or how I got Aiden with me for that matter.
“Hady I don’t even know! I don’t remember anything! All I know is I went out with Xavier, we went to the club just to chill for a minute, next thing I know, I wake up on the bathroom floor with a migraine and a fucked up face! I prayed for you, I prayed so hard, and you’re here! What am I gonna do? I gotta stop this!”
I cried into my sister’s arms, starving for her to hold me, needing her to tell me that everything was gonna be alright. It seemed as though ever since we made this move, while she’s been grindin’ trying to make this paper using her head, I find myself constantly in with the wrong crowd. I mean, I got more beauty and talent in the palm of my hand than any of these other wanna be famous bitches, but for some reason, these no good rappin’ ass niggas take advantage of a chick like me. I knew something had to change, but there was something about him that had me drawn to him. Like a bee to honey, or a bull to a matador. I was addicted

"The Life of Luxury"

"THE MEETING"

It was during my senior year of high school that I transferred schools. My mother had passed away the previous summer and I needed a change. It was the first day of school; I was on my way to my locker at the end of the day, that’s when I saw him. He stood about six foot, he had skin the color of caramel, and waves that were so deep if you stared too long you just might get sea sick. His legs were cut ever so precisely as if GOD had chiseled them himself. And his eyes were the shape of almonds and an immaculate shade of hazel. As I stood at my locker and stared in amazement at this ever so gorgeous creature he glanced in my direction and flashed me the sexiest smile. I smiled back and continued gathering my things. As I was walking out of the building to my car I noticed there was someone sitting on the hood. As I got closer to the car I saw that it was the guy from the hallway.
“Um excuse me did you loose your car?” I said as I unlocked my trunk.
“No but I did loose your name.” Just the way he spoke each word got me worked up.
“How can you loose something that you never had?” I was now standing directly in front of him giving him much attitude and never once breaking eye contact.
“That’s true and that must mean that I need to get that.” His assertiveness kind of took me by surprise.
“Is that right? Well let me tell you this something my name is Luxury. I just transferred here.”
“Yeah I know you used to go to Normandy right? Yeah I’ve done my homework.”
I was at a lost for words there was nothing I could say. This man knew a little too much, I was a little taken back but flattered at the same time.
“So you checked up on me like that huh?”
I was trying to hide the fact that I was blushing but it wasn’t working my feelings were showing in my eyes.
“Naw not for real I just work in the registrar’s office and saw your file.”
“That sounds like checking up on to me.”
“Call it what you want lil’ mama just know that I’m feeling you and I want you and I always get what I want.”
“Sounds to me like someone is a little stuck on himself and a little over confident. So Im'a tell you this, just cause you want me doesn’t mean that I want you. Now excuse me I have to go to work.”
I pushed past him and got in the car and exited the school parking lot. It wasn’t until I was completely off of the lot that I lost my mind. I was completely blown away; he was so sure of himself and with good reason. But my mama told me that guys like that mean you no good. So I made it up in my mind that no matter what I felt for him I was not going to give in to his charm.
I found out the next day that his name was Lenox Harris; he was one of the schools most popular juniors and the playa of the school none the less. From what my friend, Brandi, told me he was wanted by many girls but rarely did he mess with anyone that attended same school. He was a smooth talker that could easily talk you out of your religion if you weren't careful.
Once I got the 411 it was easy for me to ignore his advances.
“Good morning Luxury. How is the future Mrs. Harris doing today?”
Lenox greeted me this way every single morning, to him his efforts were effortless but to be honest I was falling in love with him.
“Good morning Lenox. I am doing just fine how are you this cold St. Louis morning?”
I greeted him politely never once loosing my stride on the way to my locker.
“I’m good baby and it’s never a cold day when your warm body is near me.” “Lenox.. Never mind don’t worry about it. I'ma be late for Henke so you have a good day okay.”
“Baby you have a good day too and I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah whatever! Bye.”

"Ain't Really Love"

Ozzie Davis and Ruby Dee, the perfect example of long lasting amazing black love. It seems that relationships like that just don't exist anymore. "Till death do us part" is something they vowed under the sight of GOD and they stayed committed to that vow. Growing up I watched a lot of fairy tales and truly believed there would always be a happy ending to every story. Cinderella was always my favorite of all fairy tales, I just knew that no matter what or who I became that Prince Charming was going to find me and rescue me.

But as I got older I realized that life was no fairy tale. I just knew I had been hoodwinked, lied to, bamboozled. I was looking through tunnel vision down a one way street. I begin to believe that my idealistic theory of there always being a happy ending to every story was no longer the realistic outlook I should have on life. I had to grow up and become a realist, and accept people and situations for what they showed themselves to be. It is human nature and just a fact of life that you are going to have your heartbroken by someone that shouldn't have had it to begin with. But does that mean love doesn't exist? I've heard people say that TRUE love is not supposed to hurt. I have learned to disagree with that statement, because you have to go through the bad in order to appreciate the good. So sometimes love, whether it is true or still growing has to hurt even in its purest of forms. But please don't be fooled, all love is not real nor is it all true. Just like the wolf in the heard of sheep it has to dress up to be accepted.

Any love that makes you sad more than it makes you happy ain't really love, any love that makes you cry more than it makes you laugh ain't really love. However, on the contrary love is selfish. Love doesn't know love. Love can not truly exist without misery, betrayal, and deceit. That's because along with the good has to come the bad. You must first know misery and be deceived before you can know that the love you feel for someone else is the truth. Someone who truly loves you will never betray you in such a way that you can not forgive. Trust is the foundation to any relationship, trust trumps the love card. Without the presence of trust no relationship can survive. In order for the house to stand it must be built on a strong foundation.

As I've already stated I once believed in fairy tales and happy endings. But it took an upfront and honest friend saying,"Just because you're in love doesn't mean you're his Cinderella or that he is your Prince Charming." before it hit me. I was already living my fairytale. Just because there was no fairy god-mother, or singing mice, or a pair of glass slippers didn't mean there would be no happily ever after. No I'm not Cinderella and he is not Prince Charming but he is and always will be my happily ever after.

~B~