I was sitting on the couch with my girls; Lauren, Haileigh, and Lyric enjoying our weekly girls night out. We hadn't missed a night in over four years, we sat around every Sunday night engaging in conversations about just about everything. When I say everything I mean everything! From shoes to sex, from dresses to dildos. We would drink and eat, pamper ourselves and just enjoy each other's company. We would leave the stresses of our everyday lives on the other side of the door and let our hair down. As usual today's topic was men. Unlike my three compadres I didn't have problems within my relationship but I did enjoy hearing their stories and sharing my input.
"His triflin' ass couldn't say shit! His ass was caught with his pants down!" Lauren took a sip of her wine as she finished her statement.
"Literally!" Haileigh fell over laughing hysterically at herself. I couldn't help but laugh myself. Lauren had caught her boyfriend Tre cheating her earlier in the week and she was understandably upset.
"Girl please! You knew his ass was the equivalent of shit when ya'll hooked up. Stop acting surprised bitch!" I wasn't the least bit sympathetic to Lauren. Tre had a girlfriend when they met, so she got exactly what she deserved.
"You got what was coming to you. It's called karma!" I said as I got up from my spot on the couch and headed towards the kitchen.
"Is that how you two bitches feel too? Lyric and Haileigh looked at each other and toppled over with laughter. Lauren couldn't help but laugh herself, she knew that we loved her and would never hurt her.
"Fuck you hoes!" Lauren was the most voice tress of the group, she said the first thing that came to mind. Sometimes it was a good thing and at times it was aggravating as hell, but we loved her all the same. She had the weirdest taste in men, some of the stranglers she brought around made us question her judge of character. We liked to say she was the "BCC" president. She always attracted the BLIND, CRIPPLED and CRAZY niggas the city had to offer.
"So Miss Paige, how are things between you and Mr. Perfect?" I didn't even notice Haileigh standing behind me. Haileigh was the brains of this friendship operation. She and I had grown up next door each other so we were somewhat closer to each other. She was a pediatric neurologist at one of the city's top children's hospitals.
"Jeremiah and I are doing well. He has been gone for the past two weeks on business." I said as I refilled my glass of Reisling and grabbed my box of Spongebob fruit snacks. (odd combination I know, but they were addictive. Some people smoke crack, some snort cocaine. Me, I eat a box of Spongebob Squarepants everyday) Taking my reserved seat on the couch I was ready for my talk.
"Lyric you've been unusually quiet. What's wrong honey?" I said ripping open my first bag of the day. Lyric was the sweetest person you would ever come across. Raised by her grandmother after her mother overdosed on sleeping pills when she was thirteen and her father never being in her life. She had proved all the naysayers wrong by not only graduating high school without getting pregnant, but graduating from Howard at the top of her class. Lyric had a passion for children, she'd just accepted a job at one of the inner city's toughest high schools as the principal.
"Nothing Paige, I just have a lot on my mind." Lyric was engaged a few months back to her college sweetheart when he was killed in a motorcycle accident. She had to plan his funeral because he didn't have any immediate family.
"I know you better than that. You wear your emotions on your face. What's wrong honey?" Lauren moved closer to her and took her hand. Before speaking Lyric took a long deep breath in an attempt to fight off a flood of tears that was already threatening to break through the levies. Something inside me told me this was serious, Lyric was the bubbly one of the crew it took a lot to break her spirits. Finally after a few awkward moments of silence she spoke softly.
"He don't love me nomore." Her voice was faint and soft and I wasn't sure I had heard her correctly.
"Say what honey?" I said taking a seat at the base of the couch at her feet. I watched as the tears slowly ran down her cheeks as she prepared to speak again.
"You heard me Paige, he doesn't love me anymore. He told me this morning that it was over." There was a look a betrayal across her face that broke my heart. She had been with Matthew for almost five years, they'd recently gone through a trying time with the loss of their son. I had no idea what to say to her, I had never been in her type of situation before.
"FUCK him!" I knew it was going to be Lauren that broke the sad mood with some shit like that. I kicked her with my foot and gave her the evil eye.
"Lauren shut yo angry ass up!" Haileigh and I were on the same page. This was no time for bitter woman 101 with Lauren Dancie as the instructor.
"What? I'm serious Ric deserves so much better than that. If he don't love her then why should she waste her time loving his ass? He losing not her!" Lauren rolled her eyes and gave myself and Haileigh her "now what bitch look." I listened to Lyric tell us the reason Matthew was leaving her, or at least the excuse he was giving her. It was at that moment that I realized how blessed I was to have a man that loved me and would never do the shit to me that Lauren and Lyric's men did to them. I was getting ready to say something when there was a knock at the door.
"Who the hell?" I said standing and looking out the window. It was almost midnight and I wasnt expecting anyone so I had no idea who I was.
"Damn Paige you got booty calls and shit!" Lauren stayed with a damn joke, even Lyric had to laugh at that.
"Shut yo ass up! You just don't stop do you?" I said pulling my gun from the holster on the end table. I looked out the peep hole and stared into the face of a white 24-hour Corporate Express delivery man. "It's a delivery dude." I said taking the chain off the door.
"Damn when they start delivering dick?" I just ignored Lauren at this point.
"Paige Lewis?"
"Yes."
"Sign her please, this package is for you." The white delivery guy handed me a large priority envelope. I signed for it, thanked him and closed the door.
"What the fuck is that?" Haileigh questioned looking as puzzled as I was as I examined the front and back of the envelope.
"Hell if I know but we are about to find out." I said ripping the sealing tape straight across the to.
I pulled the contents from the inside and flipped them over. Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to see. I stared at the pictures trying to focus my eyes and my mind at the images staring back at me.
"Piggy what is it?" Lyric was now standing next me with the same wide eyed confused look as I had. I felt all the blood rush to my head and I my knees buckle beneath me. Before I could hit the floor Lauren grabbed me and helped me to the loveseat. In a state of shock I could not utter a single word.
"What the FUCK is this shit?" Lauren's tone and rage was the exact expression of what I was feeling I just couldn't get it out. "This is some triflin' dog shit and I'ma fuck Jeremiah's ass up!" Lauren started looking for her keys and purse.
"Lauren wait sit down! It's not about that right now. Look at Paige, we need to focus on her." Haileigh grabbed Lauren's arm and sitting next to me. I stared down at the picture I was still holding on to. The image was so gut wrenching and disgusting that I wanted to close my eyes but I couldn't shake the picture. To see the man I loved in such a position tore my world in half. I had never felt such a sense of betrayal. I wanted to cry but my anger was too much, it was overpowering the hurt. All of the sudden in the midst of the quiet there was a vibration. The fast shaking inside my purse sent an echo throughout the room, causing an eruption from the girls to find the phone.
"HELLO?!" Lauren got to the phone first. "NO you slimy excuse for a man you can not speak to her! She got the pictures of you and your whores!" I didn't have to guess who was on the other end. Lauren looked at me as if to ask did I want to talk. I just looked down at the floor and started to cry uncontrollably. The images of Jeremiah and the two women on the picture filled my head. Him with his face between the legs of some white big titty bitch. Then some jiggaboo black bitch with her lips wrapped around his dick sucking it like a lollipop. Who the fuck was taking the pictures? Was it another bitch? Was she in on the menage a trois' or what? So many questions filled my head, I couldn't answer one question before I asked myself another.
"He is going to get fucked up! Triflin' ass niggas!" Lauren was pacing back in fourth as if it were her man. Just as she was about to say something else the phone began vibrating in her hand.
"The caller id is reading private Piggy, you wanna answer?"Lauren opened her hand extending me my phone.
"Hello" I said answering the phone via speakerphone
"A picture is worth a thousand words huh Miss Thang?" The voice on the other end said smugly.
"Who the fuck is this?" I said getting an attitude and sitting on the edge of the loveseat.
"I'm the motherfucker on the opposite side of the camera. You know they always say two heads are better than one. Well in Jeremiah's case I say his head is better than mine. HA!" It took me a minute to realize what had just been implied, then it hit me. I was talking to a man!
~B~
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
"The Note" ~The Final Line~
Passionately enthralled in not only his kiss but the way he was rocking the waves between my thighs, that I wasn't prepared for what he was about to do next. With one hand still occupied inside me he grabbed me around my waist with his other, using only his leg muscles to lift himself and me out of the water we stood up, my back still resting against him. Not once loosing the stroke of the motion he had going with his hand, his used the other to bend me forward towards the shower head. I braced myself on the towel bar in front of me; holding tight to the slippery metal. Before removing his fingers he quickened his strokes sending me into a realm of uncontrollable bliss. Noticing my excitement and the possibility that just may reach my peak and explode all over his fingers he stopped abruptly. Allowing me time to catch my breath and compose myself he partook of the view from behind, admiring my sun-kissed bronzed skin, my heart shaped ass. I felt him trace the tattooed Chinese symbol, meaning "Beauty" on my back with the tip of his tongue. Sending an array of chills down my spine.
Once I'd caught my breath he inserted himself inside me; inch by inch until all of him was snugly inside me. The fact that all of this was happening and still without words turned me on something terrible and I was excited for more. I slowly rotated my hips the same I had done sitting down, only this time in unison with his long deep strokes. As he stroked deeper, I rotated faster wanting him to nudge that perfect spot that was sure to send my body into convulsions and my mind into oblivion. In tune with my body he sped up his fast, grabbing my tresses and pulling them ever so gently, yet hard enough that I was aware of who was really running the show. It wasn't long before he got closer to the inevitable. I could tell that he was inching towards an eruption by the sounds he was making. Enjoying his melody I picked up the pace and tightened my muscles, making sure I had a tight grip on him and ensuring nothing would slip. I wanted to feel every inch and I was.
I pushed back into him feeling him damn near in my throat. The vibration from what we were doing had me in a complete daze, I knew that at any moment, with one right move from either one of us the other was going to succumb to the feeling and give in. I was tired of playing with my orgasm, so I took control of the situation. Using the towel bar for stability I pushed my ass back fast and hard not once losing control. Ensuring that both he and I would cum, and at the same time I tightened my grip so he could feel each and every wall and hit the G-spot. Just as I was about to bounce back I felt a chill run through me, my body began my shake, words formed but could not escape the prison which was my mind. I felt his grip on my hips get tighter and his body tense up, his legs started to shake and just like that I felt the warm wet sensation that was a mixture of he and I run down my inner thigh.
Lost in each other and in utter amazement, we stood motionless for two silent minutes, only the crackling of the burning candles and settling of the water echoed through out the bathroom. I composed myself and stepped out of the tub slowly. Dripping wet with sweat, the water from the bath had long since dried; I walked into my bedroom where another note was neatly placed on the bed atop of pool of rose petals. It simply read:
"I think you're wifey material"
I smiled and turned to see him towering in the doorway holding a box. Attached to the box was a small pink slip of paper with the two words written neatly on it. "Marry Me"
Once I'd caught my breath he inserted himself inside me; inch by inch until all of him was snugly inside me. The fact that all of this was happening and still without words turned me on something terrible and I was excited for more. I slowly rotated my hips the same I had done sitting down, only this time in unison with his long deep strokes. As he stroked deeper, I rotated faster wanting him to nudge that perfect spot that was sure to send my body into convulsions and my mind into oblivion. In tune with my body he sped up his fast, grabbing my tresses and pulling them ever so gently, yet hard enough that I was aware of who was really running the show. It wasn't long before he got closer to the inevitable. I could tell that he was inching towards an eruption by the sounds he was making. Enjoying his melody I picked up the pace and tightened my muscles, making sure I had a tight grip on him and ensuring nothing would slip. I wanted to feel every inch and I was.
I pushed back into him feeling him damn near in my throat. The vibration from what we were doing had me in a complete daze, I knew that at any moment, with one right move from either one of us the other was going to succumb to the feeling and give in. I was tired of playing with my orgasm, so I took control of the situation. Using the towel bar for stability I pushed my ass back fast and hard not once losing control. Ensuring that both he and I would cum, and at the same time I tightened my grip so he could feel each and every wall and hit the G-spot. Just as I was about to bounce back I felt a chill run through me, my body began my shake, words formed but could not escape the prison which was my mind. I felt his grip on my hips get tighter and his body tense up, his legs started to shake and just like that I felt the warm wet sensation that was a mixture of he and I run down my inner thigh.
Lost in each other and in utter amazement, we stood motionless for two silent minutes, only the crackling of the burning candles and settling of the water echoed through out the bathroom. I composed myself and stepped out of the tub slowly. Dripping wet with sweat, the water from the bath had long since dried; I walked into my bedroom where another note was neatly placed on the bed atop of pool of rose petals. It simply read:
"I think you're wifey material"
I smiled and turned to see him towering in the doorway holding a box. Attached to the box was a small pink slip of paper with the two words written neatly on it. "Marry Me"
"The Note" Part 2
Startled out of my peace; I quickly opened my eyes attempting to adjust them to the illuminated room. Much to my surprise they were greeted with his tall, dark frame standing beside the tub.
"Babe, what the.." Before I could finish he placed his finger to my lips hushing me.
"That's the problem, you talk too much. There is no needs for words tonight." Turned on by his assertiveness; I did as I was told and sat quiet as he slowly undressed. First removing his wife beater, exposing the rippled muscles he worked daily to achieve in the gym. Then moving on to his True Religion dirty denim jeans which revealed the Ralph Lauren boxers I had purchased a few weeks prior for his birthday. I sat waiting in anticipation for him to remove those, I was like a kid at Christmas waiting to open the big box in the corner. I admired his finely chiseled body, it was as if he were designed by GOD himself. His skin reminded me of warm caramel, smooth and thick. After removing his boxers he slid down into the still steaming water; wrapping his arms and legs around me. I allowed my body to melt into his like ice cream on the 4th of July.
Still without words he lifted my hair; planting soft warm kisses on the back of my neck. Allowing him to do as he pleased with me I felt his hands began to explore the most intimate parts of me. First my left breast, then the right; slowly moving down to the piercing on my belly button, slowly twisting the ring; sending signals of erotic ecstasy through my body. I turned my head; meeting his lips with mine, parting them slightly and pressing my tongue against his. I could feel his hands slide deeper into the water to explore the under water odyssey between my legs. Gently he parted my thighs and slipped his fingers deep inside me; first one then two. I couldn't helped but break the game of tonsil hockey, giving way to a rhapsody of overwhelming emotion and excitement. Had it not been for the warm bath water he would have needed to call Noah for a new arc. He slowly inched his fingers around inside me in an attempt to find my G-spot. I slowly rotated my hips to give him some little needed assistance. I knew he was getting closer as I began to sweat and it wasn't from the damn steam! His strokes got faster and my hip thrusts got deeper, it wouldn't be long before his exploration became a success. The heat that was rising from my insides was uncontrollable and I couldn't help the sounds escaping my lips. With his free hand he grabbed my hair; pulling it with gentle force and shoving his tongue deep into my throat leaving me unable to speak.....TO BE CONTINUED
~B~
"Babe, what the.." Before I could finish he placed his finger to my lips hushing me.
"That's the problem, you talk too much. There is no needs for words tonight." Turned on by his assertiveness; I did as I was told and sat quiet as he slowly undressed. First removing his wife beater, exposing the rippled muscles he worked daily to achieve in the gym. Then moving on to his True Religion dirty denim jeans which revealed the Ralph Lauren boxers I had purchased a few weeks prior for his birthday. I sat waiting in anticipation for him to remove those, I was like a kid at Christmas waiting to open the big box in the corner. I admired his finely chiseled body, it was as if he were designed by GOD himself. His skin reminded me of warm caramel, smooth and thick. After removing his boxers he slid down into the still steaming water; wrapping his arms and legs around me. I allowed my body to melt into his like ice cream on the 4th of July.
Still without words he lifted my hair; planting soft warm kisses on the back of my neck. Allowing him to do as he pleased with me I felt his hands began to explore the most intimate parts of me. First my left breast, then the right; slowly moving down to the piercing on my belly button, slowly twisting the ring; sending signals of erotic ecstasy through my body. I turned my head; meeting his lips with mine, parting them slightly and pressing my tongue against his. I could feel his hands slide deeper into the water to explore the under water odyssey between my legs. Gently he parted my thighs and slipped his fingers deep inside me; first one then two. I couldn't helped but break the game of tonsil hockey, giving way to a rhapsody of overwhelming emotion and excitement. Had it not been for the warm bath water he would have needed to call Noah for a new arc. He slowly inched his fingers around inside me in an attempt to find my G-spot. I slowly rotated my hips to give him some little needed assistance. I knew he was getting closer as I began to sweat and it wasn't from the damn steam! His strokes got faster and my hip thrusts got deeper, it wouldn't be long before his exploration became a success. The heat that was rising from my insides was uncontrollable and I couldn't help the sounds escaping my lips. With his free hand he grabbed my hair; pulling it with gentle force and shoving his tongue deep into my throat leaving me unable to speak.....TO BE CONTINUED
~B~
Saturday, June 13, 2009
"The Note"
I'd just endured a day from hell and was looking forward to a relaxing evening at home with my boyfriend. It had been the typical run of the mill bullshit day at the office. I was working a dead end job that barely required neurons. Not to mention the fact that I was working under a woman who got her position because she was fucking the company's president. My co-workers, well lets just say they were the poster children for simplicity. Needless to say I was excited about the evening ahead. On my way home I tried relaxing with a little Sade "Is it a Crime" was my jam. I never wanted to take my day's frustrations home to my man. I wanted to be able to enjoy him and his company. Just as I was pulling into my sub-division my cell phone rang.
"Hey you." I answered, anticipating him telling me something to make me smile.
"Hey Boo." I could tell by the tone in his voice that he was calling bearing bad news.
"What's wrong Babe?" I asked turning Sade down and focusing my attention on what he was about to say.
"I'm not going to be able to make it tonight. Same came up at the studio." My hopes of a relaxing evening underneath him came crashing down.
"Oh, okay. I understand." I was trying not to allow my frustration and anguish to show.
"I'm sorry Baby, I'll make it up to you I promise." I didn't even take the time to respond before pressing end and tossing my phone to the floor on the passenger side. I was calling him all kinds of niggas and motherfuckas as I pulled into my driveway. I collected my belongings leaving my phone in its spot on the floor. I wasn't planning on talking to anyone anyway, not after the day I was having.
I angrily stuck my key in the door almost missing the note attached to it. I snatched the note down and pushed the door closed with my foot while reading the words so neatly written:
"Hello Beautiful. I know I can't be with you tonight but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself." All I could was blush as I continued reading:
"I lit your favorite candles, lavender of course. I also ran you a nice hot bubble bath. So make your way to the bathroom and leave all the troubles of your day at the front door, they are no longer important." I did as I was told and headed straight to the bathroom where there was in fact a tub full of bubbles and yellow rose petals. The room was illuminated with candles of all shapes and sizes and smelled of soothing lavender. An immediate sense of relaxation and sexiness came over me as I began to peel off my clothes piece by piece. Taped to the bathroom mirror there was a second note with more instructions:
"Not only are you beautiful in the physical but mentally as well. Tonight I want your mind just as relaxed as your body. So partake in some emotional stimulation by slowly sipping this glass of Reisling (your favorite right?) and allow the soothing sounds of Bilal to take you to your favorite place." I stepped into the tub one foot at a time and slid slowly down into the water which was just the right temperature. I allowed my muscles to relax and set my mind at ease. I closed my eyes and began drifting to my favorite place as he had directed. Moments later I felt a pair of strong hands take a gentle hold on my shoulders....... To be continued.
~B~
"Hey you." I answered, anticipating him telling me something to make me smile.
"Hey Boo." I could tell by the tone in his voice that he was calling bearing bad news.
"What's wrong Babe?" I asked turning Sade down and focusing my attention on what he was about to say.
"I'm not going to be able to make it tonight. Same came up at the studio." My hopes of a relaxing evening underneath him came crashing down.
"Oh, okay. I understand." I was trying not to allow my frustration and anguish to show.
"I'm sorry Baby, I'll make it up to you I promise." I didn't even take the time to respond before pressing end and tossing my phone to the floor on the passenger side. I was calling him all kinds of niggas and motherfuckas as I pulled into my driveway. I collected my belongings leaving my phone in its spot on the floor. I wasn't planning on talking to anyone anyway, not after the day I was having.
I angrily stuck my key in the door almost missing the note attached to it. I snatched the note down and pushed the door closed with my foot while reading the words so neatly written:
"Hello Beautiful. I know I can't be with you tonight but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself." All I could was blush as I continued reading:
"I lit your favorite candles, lavender of course. I also ran you a nice hot bubble bath. So make your way to the bathroom and leave all the troubles of your day at the front door, they are no longer important." I did as I was told and headed straight to the bathroom where there was in fact a tub full of bubbles and yellow rose petals. The room was illuminated with candles of all shapes and sizes and smelled of soothing lavender. An immediate sense of relaxation and sexiness came over me as I began to peel off my clothes piece by piece. Taped to the bathroom mirror there was a second note with more instructions:
"Not only are you beautiful in the physical but mentally as well. Tonight I want your mind just as relaxed as your body. So partake in some emotional stimulation by slowly sipping this glass of Reisling (your favorite right?) and allow the soothing sounds of Bilal to take you to your favorite place." I stepped into the tub one foot at a time and slid slowly down into the water which was just the right temperature. I allowed my muscles to relax and set my mind at ease. I closed my eyes and began drifting to my favorite place as he had directed. Moments later I felt a pair of strong hands take a gentle hold on my shoulders....... To be continued.
~B~
Friday, June 12, 2009
"Addicted to the Game"
"The Mile High Club"
Hayden had my travel agent book us an emergency flight home to St. Louis for fear that the next time I may not be so lucky. Every beating was always worst than the last and I knew that eventually Xavier was going to kill me. He knew the one thing that I cared about the most was my looks, so he began doing things to me in his fits of rage that would scar me in such a way that I would have to out of work for an extended period of time. I threw on a pair of jeans and a tank top, with a scarf around my neck to cover up the 5-inch gash on my neck. In a failed attempt to cover the bruises around my eyes I just decided to throw a pair of wide dark shades on instead. My lip was swollen and I had an unbearable headache that even my Tramadol couldn't ease. I had only taken enough clothes to get me and Aiden through for about a week. I knew that if need be I had the means of going shopping for us both. I had called my mother to let her know that the four of us were coming to see her. She immediately started to worry, she knew that the only reason we ever came home was for her birthday in May and Christmas; it was the middle of July.
"Ma, Hady and I are bringing the kids and we are coming to see you." I tried to hide the pain my voice, careful of my mother's feelings.
"Baileigh Ray what's wrong? Is my grandson okay? Where is your sister?" She came at me with question after question that I wasn't prepared to answer at that moment.
"We are all fine, Hayden is right here. Our flight leaves in about an hour and it is a direct flight so we will see you this evening. We have arranged for a car to pick us from the airport." I wanted to get her off the phone as soon as quickly as possible I hated lying to her.
"Alright. Well ya'll be careful. Kiss Aiden and Reign for me. I'll see you shortly. I love you."
"Love you too lady." With those words I ended the call. I looked over at my sister who was coloring with Aiden and Reign. It was amazing how different we were. I had all the beauty I could ever ask for yet I had half the confidence and strength I should. There was a time in my life that I felt like I was on top of the world. I couldn't have told me that I would be sitting in an airport battered and bruised waiting for an airplane to take me to back to misery. As we sat waiting for them to board the plane I thought back to a few months prior when things were going just as they should. I closed my eyes and allowed the memories to ease my mind.
“Damn Hayden Marie will you please come the hell on?!” I swear she moved like a snail when she truly did not want to do something.
“I am Bailiegh shit! Rushing me like you ain’t colored!” Her smart-ass mouth was one thing that ground my damn gears. If she didn’t have the same full lips as me I’d slap her in them! She knew that this was an event that I couldn’t miss and she knew I wanted her there with me. So why she was being so fucking difficult in her choice of wardrobe was beyond my slight of imagination. “Hayden gotdamnit! We brought four big ass suitcases full of clothes so please put together an ensemble and come on!” Now her ass was about to get left, it was twenty till eight and we had at least a thirty-minute ride in traffic. While I waited I decided to give myself a once over for the fifth time in the full-length hall mirror. Because this was a special night for me I decided to turn up my swag. I was rocking a simple black Dolce and Gabbana pantsuit with satin trim down the legs. My jacket was tailored to fit my body in all the right places. The three satin buttons held the jacket together and pushed my already perfect 36Ds up to form a perfect V. I was wearing a pair of red satin Jimmy Choo stilettos to boost my five foot two frame up an extra 3-inches. I was wearing the diamond cross pendent my mother gave me and Hady on our eighteenth birthday and a pair of diamond hoops. My hair was neatly pinned up in a bun and my make-up was flawless as usual. By the time I’d gotten done making sure nothing was out of place Hayden was bouncing out of the bathroom wearing a strapless black satin dress by Donna Karen that was to die for. She was titter tottering on a pair of red 6-inch Manolo Blanik opened toed stilettos. Her hair flowed down past her shoulders in an array of golden layers and framed her flawless make-up less face.
“Well it’s about damn time! Can we go now?” I asked opening the door to the suite and stepping aside for her to walk ahead of me. Hayden strutted her way past me and flung her hair as if to say, “No what bitch!” I just shook my head and followed behind her down the to the lobby where our car was waiting.
“So who is supposed to be at this party?” Hayden asked a few minutes into our ride to the city. “I heard this is like the event of the spring.” She was now looking at herself in a hand mirror making sure nothing was out of place.
“I am not really sure, I heard there were going to be a lot of high profile athletes, entertainers like Diddy and Keyhsia you know the normal run of the mill celeb party.” We were used to these kinds of parties so we weren’t the least bit pressed on who we were going to run into. I was on the other excited about my new contract I’d just signed to become the spokes model for an up and coming New York fashion designer A-Skye. This had been a life altering choice, I knew this meant being apart from my sister for the first time in our lives. The thought of being so far from her brought tears to my eyes, but I knew that it was time that I let go and did my own thing, I depended on her for way too long. We pulled up to the Jay-Z’s 40/40 club at exactly 8:45. There were people everywhere, standing waiting to see who was going to be the next person to walk the red carpet.
“You ready Bay?” Hayden said grabbing my hand and squeezing it. I almost started to cry as I held onto her hand for dear life.
“Yes ma’am I am.” The driver opened the door and I stepped into a whole new life.
Hayden had my travel agent book us an emergency flight home to St. Louis for fear that the next time I may not be so lucky. Every beating was always worst than the last and I knew that eventually Xavier was going to kill me. He knew the one thing that I cared about the most was my looks, so he began doing things to me in his fits of rage that would scar me in such a way that I would have to out of work for an extended period of time. I threw on a pair of jeans and a tank top, with a scarf around my neck to cover up the 5-inch gash on my neck. In a failed attempt to cover the bruises around my eyes I just decided to throw a pair of wide dark shades on instead. My lip was swollen and I had an unbearable headache that even my Tramadol couldn't ease. I had only taken enough clothes to get me and Aiden through for about a week. I knew that if need be I had the means of going shopping for us both. I had called my mother to let her know that the four of us were coming to see her. She immediately started to worry, she knew that the only reason we ever came home was for her birthday in May and Christmas; it was the middle of July.
"Ma, Hady and I are bringing the kids and we are coming to see you." I tried to hide the pain my voice, careful of my mother's feelings.
"Baileigh Ray what's wrong? Is my grandson okay? Where is your sister?" She came at me with question after question that I wasn't prepared to answer at that moment.
"We are all fine, Hayden is right here. Our flight leaves in about an hour and it is a direct flight so we will see you this evening. We have arranged for a car to pick us from the airport." I wanted to get her off the phone as soon as quickly as possible I hated lying to her.
"Alright. Well ya'll be careful. Kiss Aiden and Reign for me. I'll see you shortly. I love you."
"Love you too lady." With those words I ended the call. I looked over at my sister who was coloring with Aiden and Reign. It was amazing how different we were. I had all the beauty I could ever ask for yet I had half the confidence and strength I should. There was a time in my life that I felt like I was on top of the world. I couldn't have told me that I would be sitting in an airport battered and bruised waiting for an airplane to take me to back to misery. As we sat waiting for them to board the plane I thought back to a few months prior when things were going just as they should. I closed my eyes and allowed the memories to ease my mind.
“Damn Hayden Marie will you please come the hell on?!” I swear she moved like a snail when she truly did not want to do something.
“I am Bailiegh shit! Rushing me like you ain’t colored!” Her smart-ass mouth was one thing that ground my damn gears. If she didn’t have the same full lips as me I’d slap her in them! She knew that this was an event that I couldn’t miss and she knew I wanted her there with me. So why she was being so fucking difficult in her choice of wardrobe was beyond my slight of imagination. “Hayden gotdamnit! We brought four big ass suitcases full of clothes so please put together an ensemble and come on!” Now her ass was about to get left, it was twenty till eight and we had at least a thirty-minute ride in traffic. While I waited I decided to give myself a once over for the fifth time in the full-length hall mirror. Because this was a special night for me I decided to turn up my swag. I was rocking a simple black Dolce and Gabbana pantsuit with satin trim down the legs. My jacket was tailored to fit my body in all the right places. The three satin buttons held the jacket together and pushed my already perfect 36Ds up to form a perfect V. I was wearing a pair of red satin Jimmy Choo stilettos to boost my five foot two frame up an extra 3-inches. I was wearing the diamond cross pendent my mother gave me and Hady on our eighteenth birthday and a pair of diamond hoops. My hair was neatly pinned up in a bun and my make-up was flawless as usual. By the time I’d gotten done making sure nothing was out of place Hayden was bouncing out of the bathroom wearing a strapless black satin dress by Donna Karen that was to die for. She was titter tottering on a pair of red 6-inch Manolo Blanik opened toed stilettos. Her hair flowed down past her shoulders in an array of golden layers and framed her flawless make-up less face.
“Well it’s about damn time! Can we go now?” I asked opening the door to the suite and stepping aside for her to walk ahead of me. Hayden strutted her way past me and flung her hair as if to say, “No what bitch!” I just shook my head and followed behind her down the to the lobby where our car was waiting.
“So who is supposed to be at this party?” Hayden asked a few minutes into our ride to the city. “I heard this is like the event of the spring.” She was now looking at herself in a hand mirror making sure nothing was out of place.
“I am not really sure, I heard there were going to be a lot of high profile athletes, entertainers like Diddy and Keyhsia you know the normal run of the mill celeb party.” We were used to these kinds of parties so we weren’t the least bit pressed on who we were going to run into. I was on the other excited about my new contract I’d just signed to become the spokes model for an up and coming New York fashion designer A-Skye. This had been a life altering choice, I knew this meant being apart from my sister for the first time in our lives. The thought of being so far from her brought tears to my eyes, but I knew that it was time that I let go and did my own thing, I depended on her for way too long. We pulled up to the Jay-Z’s 40/40 club at exactly 8:45. There were people everywhere, standing waiting to see who was going to be the next person to walk the red carpet.
“You ready Bay?” Hayden said grabbing my hand and squeezing it. I almost started to cry as I held onto her hand for dear life.
“Yes ma’am I am.” The driver opened the door and I stepped into a whole new life.
"Flight 1225"
I'll be the first to admit that I was the one person that lived life for spontaneity. Almost everything I did was spur of the moment. To be honest a lot of the decisions I made were not well thought out, I usually made them based off the most random of things. To the people close to me they believed that the things I did were just plain pointless. In my mind however, they all made perfect sense. My most recent decision to leave my hometown and move to a new city was by far the most random off all. I will be honest and say that it wasn't the most thought out of ideas I'd had but I knew that in the end it was what was best for me. There was always some motive behind the decisions I made, the driving force behind this one was the heartbreak I'd endured during a recent break up. I had been in a long term relationship for the past 3 years and it recently came to an end when his "other" woman called me and told me she was pregnant with his baby. Unlike most women I didn't argue, I didn't fight I just decided I was going to pick up and leave. I had given my all only to get nothing in return. What did I have to lose? What was I giving up? I could easily find a new job in Houston and enroll in a school down there. I didn't have any children and most of my friends were married and had lives of their own to tend to. I sat in the middle of the nearly empty living room floor fighting off tears. I packed up my 4 room house,3 years of memories into 25 boxes and a medium sized PODS in all of 2 days. Sometimes it was just best to get a fresh start and different outlook on life. Some would say that I was running, I say I am moving on.
"Leaving isn't going to solve your problems. They are going to follow you wherever you go." Dee was one of the more positive people in my life. Whenever I was down it was her that lifted me back up. She did everything she could to keep me motivated and positive.
"That may be true, but I won't know if I don't do it now will I?" I rolled my eyes as I spoke and waited for her reply.
"You can be smart all you want, but you need to stop running from your problems and face them sweetie." I knew what she was saying was right but I wasn't going to admit that to her. So instead I changed the subject. "Well my flight leaves tomorrow at 6 am. It's Southwest flight 1225. Are you taking me to the airport or not?"
"Do I have a choice? You like my lil baby and I have to make sure you okay. If you think this is going to help then I am behind you." That's the kind of things that I wanted and needed to hear.
"Thank you, that is all I wanted to hear. I have some more packing to do I'll come and see you later. Love you." With that we ended our conversation.
I was wrapping the last of my glass items when I came across a picture of me and my ex. It brought a smile to face remembering how happy he and I were at one point in our relationship. Like all relationships we had our ups and downs, but I didn't it would ever to get to the point that he would cheat on me in such a way. I had been cut down to my soul and the only thing I could think to do was leave. I didn't want to even be in the same city as him, I wanted to breathe a totally different oxygen than him. I hadn't bothered telling him that I was moving, I could care less if he found out now or later. I threw the picture in the bottom of the box where I had buried many of my feelings and emotions as well. I finished the last of my packing and prepared for my early morning flight.
Unable to sleep I stayed up until it was time for Dee to pick me and take me to the airport at 4 am. I had butterflies in my stomach and a knot the size of a golf ball in my throat. I had never done anything this outrageous before and I was surprised at myself to be honest. But it was too late for regrets, I had already purchased my ticket and made arrangements with my cousin to stay with her until I got on my feet.
"I'm really going to miss you. I still think this is a little over the top, but hey." Dee said as she helped me get my bags out of the trunk.
"I love you Dee and you can always come visit. This may be just the outlet that I need." I could feel the tears fill the lower lids of my eyes, I didn't even attempt to fight them. I grabbed her and held her close. She began to cry and so did I.
"Take care of you!" I said releasing myself from her embrace.
"Be cool, beans." She said walking away to get back in her car. I watched as she pulled out of the check in area before making my way inside to check my bags in.
Just as I was headed toward my gate I heard someone calling my name. I turned around but didn't see anyone so I continued down towards the security check point.
"Baby please don't leave!" That voice was all too familiar and I felt my heart drop to my knees. Something inside me told me turn around but instead I continued as if I didn't hear him.
"Babe please! We can get through this." Was this motherfucka for real? Did he honestly think that I wanted to make anything work with him after way he had betrayed me? I stopped and turned around. He was running towards me with a handful of gardenias and yellow roses, my two favorite flowers.
"What are you doing here? Please don't do this shit to me!" I was not about to become weak and let him sucker me in. "Who told you that I was leaving anyway?"
"It doesn't matter. Baby I'm sorry. I know I hurt you, but is it worth leaving?" His eyes were kind and gentle like they'd been when we first met. I wanted so badly to believe him but I couldn't the hurt was too deep.
"What do you want from me? How much more pain are you trying to bring into my life?"
"I'm not trying to hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you."
"Why are you here?" I was growing angry by the second, just looking at him made me want to slap him.
"I want you to stay. I want you to admit that you still care." I started to laugh, it wasn't my intention but I couldn't control myself. I stepped closer to him after calming down my laughter.
"I don't give a fuck about you nor your feelings anymore!" He grabbed my arm and looked me square in the eye.
"How you gone say you don't care? How does love so deep just go away like that?"
"Let my gotdamn arm go. You fucked up not me, live with that." I snatched my arm from his grip and turned to walk away. I held my composure until I was seated on the plane and that's when it all came crashing down on me. I put my head in my hands and released all of the anger inside of me.
"Welcome aboard Southwest flight 1225. With service straight through to Houston."
I lifted my head and looked at my boarding pass, flight 1225. There was such irony in that. I sat back in the seat and prayed. I refused to break, I refused to give up, I had to move on with my life. It was time to stop allowing others to dictate my happiness I needed to take control.
10 minutes later I was staring out the window into the clouds. "Life is a mess and sometimes you have to grab a mop and start cleaning it up."
"We are going to get through this."
~B~
"Leaving isn't going to solve your problems. They are going to follow you wherever you go." Dee was one of the more positive people in my life. Whenever I was down it was her that lifted me back up. She did everything she could to keep me motivated and positive.
"That may be true, but I won't know if I don't do it now will I?" I rolled my eyes as I spoke and waited for her reply.
"You can be smart all you want, but you need to stop running from your problems and face them sweetie." I knew what she was saying was right but I wasn't going to admit that to her. So instead I changed the subject. "Well my flight leaves tomorrow at 6 am. It's Southwest flight 1225. Are you taking me to the airport or not?"
"Do I have a choice? You like my lil baby and I have to make sure you okay. If you think this is going to help then I am behind you." That's the kind of things that I wanted and needed to hear.
"Thank you, that is all I wanted to hear. I have some more packing to do I'll come and see you later. Love you." With that we ended our conversation.
I was wrapping the last of my glass items when I came across a picture of me and my ex. It brought a smile to face remembering how happy he and I were at one point in our relationship. Like all relationships we had our ups and downs, but I didn't it would ever to get to the point that he would cheat on me in such a way. I had been cut down to my soul and the only thing I could think to do was leave. I didn't want to even be in the same city as him, I wanted to breathe a totally different oxygen than him. I hadn't bothered telling him that I was moving, I could care less if he found out now or later. I threw the picture in the bottom of the box where I had buried many of my feelings and emotions as well. I finished the last of my packing and prepared for my early morning flight.
Unable to sleep I stayed up until it was time for Dee to pick me and take me to the airport at 4 am. I had butterflies in my stomach and a knot the size of a golf ball in my throat. I had never done anything this outrageous before and I was surprised at myself to be honest. But it was too late for regrets, I had already purchased my ticket and made arrangements with my cousin to stay with her until I got on my feet.
"I'm really going to miss you. I still think this is a little over the top, but hey." Dee said as she helped me get my bags out of the trunk.
"I love you Dee and you can always come visit. This may be just the outlet that I need." I could feel the tears fill the lower lids of my eyes, I didn't even attempt to fight them. I grabbed her and held her close. She began to cry and so did I.
"Take care of you!" I said releasing myself from her embrace.
"Be cool, beans." She said walking away to get back in her car. I watched as she pulled out of the check in area before making my way inside to check my bags in.
Just as I was headed toward my gate I heard someone calling my name. I turned around but didn't see anyone so I continued down towards the security check point.
"Baby please don't leave!" That voice was all too familiar and I felt my heart drop to my knees. Something inside me told me turn around but instead I continued as if I didn't hear him.
"Babe please! We can get through this." Was this motherfucka for real? Did he honestly think that I wanted to make anything work with him after way he had betrayed me? I stopped and turned around. He was running towards me with a handful of gardenias and yellow roses, my two favorite flowers.
"What are you doing here? Please don't do this shit to me!" I was not about to become weak and let him sucker me in. "Who told you that I was leaving anyway?"
"It doesn't matter. Baby I'm sorry. I know I hurt you, but is it worth leaving?" His eyes were kind and gentle like they'd been when we first met. I wanted so badly to believe him but I couldn't the hurt was too deep.
"What do you want from me? How much more pain are you trying to bring into my life?"
"I'm not trying to hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you."
"Why are you here?" I was growing angry by the second, just looking at him made me want to slap him.
"I want you to stay. I want you to admit that you still care." I started to laugh, it wasn't my intention but I couldn't control myself. I stepped closer to him after calming down my laughter.
"I don't give a fuck about you nor your feelings anymore!" He grabbed my arm and looked me square in the eye.
"How you gone say you don't care? How does love so deep just go away like that?"
"Let my gotdamn arm go. You fucked up not me, live with that." I snatched my arm from his grip and turned to walk away. I held my composure until I was seated on the plane and that's when it all came crashing down on me. I put my head in my hands and released all of the anger inside of me.
"Welcome aboard Southwest flight 1225. With service straight through to Houston."
I lifted my head and looked at my boarding pass, flight 1225. There was such irony in that. I sat back in the seat and prayed. I refused to break, I refused to give up, I had to move on with my life. It was time to stop allowing others to dictate my happiness I needed to take control.
10 minutes later I was staring out the window into the clouds. "Life is a mess and sometimes you have to grab a mop and start cleaning it up."
"We are going to get through this."
~B~
Thursday, June 11, 2009
"Addicted to the Game"
I knew something had to change, but there was something about him that had me drawn to him. Like a bee to honey, or a bull to a matador. I was addicted. I tried to make myself understand his way of loving me. I had always loved him with no pretenses, but his love wasn't the same, his love hurt.
"Why does he keep doing this to me Hady?" There was no use in holding back the flood of tears that was sure to come, so I allowed them to flow freely. Hayden sat next to me on the floor saying little to nothing, listening to my spoken pain. This was not the first time she had come to rescue from a beating Xavier so graciously had given out.
"He does it because you let him! Baileigh this shit has got to stop! You can not let Xavier continue putting his fucking hands on you!" There was so much pain and anger in her voice that it only made me feel worse. Hayden and I stood a mere five foot two, weighing in at 120 pounds and that was soaking wet. But my sister had the heart and soul of a six foot; 200 pound linebacker. She never backed down from a fight and she usually won.
"I told you last time Baileigh Ray that the next time he pulled this shit I had something for his ass!" Her cool money green eyes were icy and cold. Her smooth caramel skin now wore a deep scarlet tent. "I bet his punk ass won't hit me! Where the fuck is he anyway?"
I knew once Hayden got started she wasn't going to stop until she was satisfied with the outcome of the situation.
"Hady, I don't know what to do. I am so afraid to leave him. He has a hold on my soul." I spoke softly looking around the room as if he was somewhere listening, waiting to pounce on me again. I felt my sister tighten the grip on my hand as I began to cry once again. Never the emotional one, Hayden herself began to cry.
"He is going to kill you. Do you hear me Baileigh? He is going to kill you if you don't leave." Her voice was soft yet serious. I could tell she was scared of my fate if I decided to live another day of sleeping with the enemy.
I was in a dangerous situation and there seemed to be no visible way out. It was like living at the base of a sleeping volcano, never sure exactly when it was going to awaken. Xavier was comparable to a ticking time bomb, sure to explode leaving a number of casualties to verify it's wrath. I had been in the situation for far too long and it was no longer just me that I had to worry about, my son had bared witness to my beatings time and time again. Had it not been for him, I would have been dead along time ago. I stood up from the floor and stared long and hard into the mirror once again. The bruises still fresh and new had begun to settle in around my eyes which were now almost swollen shut. The blood from my lips had dried and needed to be washed clean. My sister stood behind me turning on the shower to a steaming hot temperature.
"Get in Bay-Ray. I'm going to get my nephew together and pack your clothes and we are going home."
I looked deep into my sister's eyes and straight through to her soul, I knew exactly what she meant when she said home. I peeled out of my clothes and stepped into the steam covered shower. I stood under the water allowing the warmth to calm my aching muscles. I held my face beneath the shower head and cried until there were no more tears left to cry, only anger and rage remained.
"Why does he keep doing this to me Hady?" There was no use in holding back the flood of tears that was sure to come, so I allowed them to flow freely. Hayden sat next to me on the floor saying little to nothing, listening to my spoken pain. This was not the first time she had come to rescue from a beating Xavier so graciously had given out.
"He does it because you let him! Baileigh this shit has got to stop! You can not let Xavier continue putting his fucking hands on you!" There was so much pain and anger in her voice that it only made me feel worse. Hayden and I stood a mere five foot two, weighing in at 120 pounds and that was soaking wet. But my sister had the heart and soul of a six foot; 200 pound linebacker. She never backed down from a fight and she usually won.
"I told you last time Baileigh Ray that the next time he pulled this shit I had something for his ass!" Her cool money green eyes were icy and cold. Her smooth caramel skin now wore a deep scarlet tent. "I bet his punk ass won't hit me! Where the fuck is he anyway?"
I knew once Hayden got started she wasn't going to stop until she was satisfied with the outcome of the situation.
"Hady, I don't know what to do. I am so afraid to leave him. He has a hold on my soul." I spoke softly looking around the room as if he was somewhere listening, waiting to pounce on me again. I felt my sister tighten the grip on my hand as I began to cry once again. Never the emotional one, Hayden herself began to cry.
"He is going to kill you. Do you hear me Baileigh? He is going to kill you if you don't leave." Her voice was soft yet serious. I could tell she was scared of my fate if I decided to live another day of sleeping with the enemy.
I was in a dangerous situation and there seemed to be no visible way out. It was like living at the base of a sleeping volcano, never sure exactly when it was going to awaken. Xavier was comparable to a ticking time bomb, sure to explode leaving a number of casualties to verify it's wrath. I had been in the situation for far too long and it was no longer just me that I had to worry about, my son had bared witness to my beatings time and time again. Had it not been for him, I would have been dead along time ago. I stood up from the floor and stared long and hard into the mirror once again. The bruises still fresh and new had begun to settle in around my eyes which were now almost swollen shut. The blood from my lips had dried and needed to be washed clean. My sister stood behind me turning on the shower to a steaming hot temperature.
"Get in Bay-Ray. I'm going to get my nephew together and pack your clothes and we are going home."
I looked deep into my sister's eyes and straight through to her soul, I knew exactly what she meant when she said home. I peeled out of my clothes and stepped into the steam covered shower. I stood under the water allowing the warmth to calm my aching muscles. I held my face beneath the shower head and cried until there were no more tears left to cry, only anger and rage remained.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
