BrendolynMarieDOTCom has moved! You can now find me at http://www.brendolynmarie.com/!!!! Thank you for all your constant support! I look forward to seeing you at my new place!
Blessings~B
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
"Child Support"
Since I started writing professionally people have always told me that my writings are pro-woman and that at times I come off as being a feminist. Obviously I am a woman, therefore I can only write from a woman’s perspective, however that doesn’t mean I am a feminist or a male basher. There are a lot of things that women do that I don’t agree with, and in those instances I will side with men and speak on the issue. This commentary is probably going to offend the guilty and raise the praises of the oppressed and I am more than fine with that, this won’t be the first time I step on some toes and it certainly won’t be the last.
As I stated there are certain things that women do that I do not agree with, one of them being putting a man who is more than willing to provide for his child or children financially on child support. Unfortunately we are the generation of baby mamas and baby daddies leaving no room for compromise when it comes to co-parenting. It appears to me that many young women today who have put themselves in the compromising position to be someone’s baby mama are bitter, angry and have a chip on their shoulder. There is this ideal that if a man doesn’t want to be with you even after you have had his baby that you can get back at him by filing child support on him. This has to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard! Involving the state in your life is not the answer to any problem, it actually will make your situation worse. By putting child support on the father of your child or children you are building anger and hate inside him that will never be reversed, especially a man who is in all actuality a man and takes care of his responsibilities. Failure to pay child support in the state of Missouri is a felony, so if you have a man who is unable to meet his support order obligation a warrant will be issued for his arrest, his driver’s license will be suspended and he will be locked up. Now what? You aren’t going to get a dime because for one you don’t make no money in prison and two there are very few good paying jobs looking to hire felons. I am not one who agrees with locking a man up for not being able to meet his state mandated obligations, because if you locked up you can’t work! Women don’t take these things into account when they run to Family Support Division on Page, all they know is that they want to make this man’s life as hard as possible because she’s not getting her way. This way of thinking sets women back a hundred years. Being a single mother I know how hard it is raising a child alone, especially when it comes to finances, but if you have a man who wants to take care of his child or children let them! There aren’t that many men who are willing to do so voluntarily, if you have that value it, don’t abuse it cause he’s moved on or just don’t want you.
Now, on the other hand there are these dead beats out here that you couldn’t get a dime from if you loaned it to them. These are the ones that we need to go after for child support, these are the ones who deserve to be put under the jail for not being responsible. Any man who refuses to not only help raise his children but refuse to work to provide for them is not a man at all. This is where choices and good judgment come into play, you knew when you laid down and had unprotected sex with Lil Ray Ray that he had four other children that he wasn’t taking care of, so what made you think your baby would be any different? My Granny used to say “Mama’s baby and Daddy’s maybe.” This is something that has always stuck with me, because a man is never really legally obligated to raise a child. Men have the option of signing a child’s birth certificate and many men are choosing not to so they are free of legal financial obligations. In the state of Missouri the father is held responsible for children’s medical benefits, so if a child is receiving Medicaid, the state will go after the father for either child support or force him to put the child on the insurance provided by his employer. There is one final “tid bit” that makes the child support war all the more gruesome. The state of Missouri will not “bastardize” a child, meaning in Missouri if a man who is not the father signs the birth certificate he is legally responsible for that child even if paternity proves otherwise. The real father must be identified before the birth certificate will be amended freeing the said father of his responsibilities. In other words, even if you ain’t the daddy you are the daddy if you sign that paper! The moral of the story is, choose wisely when bringing a life into this world. We put these innocent children through these wars of back and forth not realizing that it is them that are being damaged in the long run. Ladies we have got to stop trying to get back at these men by using the children as collateral. Most men don’t know there are laws that protect them as well when it comes to being an unwed parent, you just have to seek them. What makes a woman who uses their children and the threat of child support on a man any less dead beat than a man who doesn’t do for his children? I will leave you all with that thought.
As I stated there are certain things that women do that I do not agree with, one of them being putting a man who is more than willing to provide for his child or children financially on child support. Unfortunately we are the generation of baby mamas and baby daddies leaving no room for compromise when it comes to co-parenting. It appears to me that many young women today who have put themselves in the compromising position to be someone’s baby mama are bitter, angry and have a chip on their shoulder. There is this ideal that if a man doesn’t want to be with you even after you have had his baby that you can get back at him by filing child support on him. This has to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard! Involving the state in your life is not the answer to any problem, it actually will make your situation worse. By putting child support on the father of your child or children you are building anger and hate inside him that will never be reversed, especially a man who is in all actuality a man and takes care of his responsibilities. Failure to pay child support in the state of Missouri is a felony, so if you have a man who is unable to meet his support order obligation a warrant will be issued for his arrest, his driver’s license will be suspended and he will be locked up. Now what? You aren’t going to get a dime because for one you don’t make no money in prison and two there are very few good paying jobs looking to hire felons. I am not one who agrees with locking a man up for not being able to meet his state mandated obligations, because if you locked up you can’t work! Women don’t take these things into account when they run to Family Support Division on Page, all they know is that they want to make this man’s life as hard as possible because she’s not getting her way. This way of thinking sets women back a hundred years. Being a single mother I know how hard it is raising a child alone, especially when it comes to finances, but if you have a man who wants to take care of his child or children let them! There aren’t that many men who are willing to do so voluntarily, if you have that value it, don’t abuse it cause he’s moved on or just don’t want you.
Now, on the other hand there are these dead beats out here that you couldn’t get a dime from if you loaned it to them. These are the ones that we need to go after for child support, these are the ones who deserve to be put under the jail for not being responsible. Any man who refuses to not only help raise his children but refuse to work to provide for them is not a man at all. This is where choices and good judgment come into play, you knew when you laid down and had unprotected sex with Lil Ray Ray that he had four other children that he wasn’t taking care of, so what made you think your baby would be any different? My Granny used to say “Mama’s baby and Daddy’s maybe.” This is something that has always stuck with me, because a man is never really legally obligated to raise a child. Men have the option of signing a child’s birth certificate and many men are choosing not to so they are free of legal financial obligations. In the state of Missouri the father is held responsible for children’s medical benefits, so if a child is receiving Medicaid, the state will go after the father for either child support or force him to put the child on the insurance provided by his employer. There is one final “tid bit” that makes the child support war all the more gruesome. The state of Missouri will not “bastardize” a child, meaning in Missouri if a man who is not the father signs the birth certificate he is legally responsible for that child even if paternity proves otherwise. The real father must be identified before the birth certificate will be amended freeing the said father of his responsibilities. In other words, even if you ain’t the daddy you are the daddy if you sign that paper! The moral of the story is, choose wisely when bringing a life into this world. We put these innocent children through these wars of back and forth not realizing that it is them that are being damaged in the long run. Ladies we have got to stop trying to get back at these men by using the children as collateral. Most men don’t know there are laws that protect them as well when it comes to being an unwed parent, you just have to seek them. What makes a woman who uses their children and the threat of child support on a man any less dead beat than a man who doesn’t do for his children? I will leave you all with that thought.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
"Death of the Baby Mama" - as written for the St. Louis Evening Whirl
Why is it that there are way more baby mamas out there than wives? Who’s fault is that? And is the traditional family just a thing of the past? Those questions crossed my mind and I got to investigating. Here’s something that I ran across…..
“It occurred to us from observation and reasoning, that extramarital sex was not what really destroyed marriages, but rather the lies and deception that invariably accompanied it–that was the culprit. So we decided to give ourselves permission to sleep with other partners if we wished–as long as what we did was honest as well as private, and that neither of us exposed the family to scandal or disease. We had to be discreet and, if the word can be apt, honorable in our behavior, both to ourselves, to whomever else might be involved and most of all to the family.”~Source “In This Life Together with Ossie and Ruby” A joint biography page 317.
I have always admired Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis, who at the time of his death in 2005 had been married for 56 years. It amazed me that even in the world of Hollywood they remained true to themselves and each other and did what worked best for them. It was crazy in reading their joint biography that I learned that what worked for them was having an open marriage. As I read further I came across a quote by Ruby, “But we both came to realize that we were very fortunate that, in all of the deep profound, fundamental ways, we really, really only wanted each other. It was like rediscovery of something from the beginning. But often Ossie has said-and I’ve thought too-the best way to have somebody is the let it go. If it doesn’t come back you are free in another kind of sense-in that you find the strength to let go and wish somebody well.”
During one of my many debates I was hit with the question, “How can you be a wife if you have no idea what being a wife looks like?” This was food for thought that caused me to really question what a healthy marriage looks like. What does being a wife truly mean? Girls these days are so quick to refer to themselves as “wifey” when they have no clue what being a wife looks like. Growing up I was exposed to healthy relationships and marriages from a very young age. Although I was raised by my mother, I spent a lot of time with my Granny who as of this past July has been married to my grandfather for over 30 years.
It’s sad to say but people don’t stay married that long anymore, our generation is full of men and women who are content with being a baby-mama or baby-daddy. In my opinion this is completely backwards, why would you set yourself up to have to raise your child or children alone? There is no security of any kind in just being a “baby-mama”. I don’t want to sound like the pot calling the kettle black, because I am a “baby-mama”, however growing up that was never in the plan this is also one mistake I will never make again. In no way am I discrediting any woman who has had children out of wedlock but I know from experience that isn’t what women want. We want a family. As I get older and come closer to my 30’s I am preparing myself to be a wife. (Notice I said WIFE, not live-in, not wifey). One thing that is a constant teaching for me is that GOD created woman, one of his greatest creations, and he made us from man to be with man. It is also my belief that in taking the time to create ME, GOD created someone just for me in his likeness. I have said it before and I will say it again, we get so comfortable in not being committed that we give ourselves to people who are undeserving and unappreciative. Not only do we end up baby-mamas but we end up being looked at as “hoes” and we all know ain’t no man interested in turning a hoe into a housewife.
I don’t think any woman wakes up one day and says “I feel like being somebody’s baby-mama”, but plenty of women wake up with the thought of being someone’s wife. Every man has a different idea of what his wife should look like, act like etc., but the idea of what a wife should be should be the same across the board. Most young women (not all) were raised in the era of single mothers, so a wife is not something they saw daily. The role of a woman has become lost in what I like to call a gender war. Women want to be so head strong in their independence to compete with men, that the idea of doing for a man or taking care of home becomes null and void. Most men who were raised by their mother or grandmother tend to want a woman who will mirror the life they had growing up. A woman who cooks, cleans, listens and comforts. A woman who is always his help never his hurt, a woman who takes pride in taking care of her home (husband and children included) with no complaints. A woman who does all of this while, maintaining her own independence by working and going to school and is confident in herself and her spirituality is what defines a wife.
Show me a man that says this isn’t what he wants and I’ll show you a man who is a liar. This generation of women thinks that cooking for a man makes her submissive or docile. That’s just too much of a burden because she goes to school and works all day. I call that just being stubborn. If women say that they can do it all they can’t claim that taking care of a family that includes a husband is too much. Does school and work stop that same woman from cooking and caring for her children without the presence of their father or any other man? Women today have too many don’t do’s and wont do’s all tied up into being independent. But depending on a family isn’t something to fear or be ashamed of. Doing for a husband has rewards that so-called independence can’t have. Today’s women don’t realize that marriage is a partnership. If she cooks one night he’ll cook another if that’s what THEY come up with as a team. Husbands and wives are supposed to be teammates playing the game of life together. And who wouldn’t appreciate the security of a reliable partner. So instead of putting conditions on what we as women won’t do or bow down to we need to think of what we will and must do if we want to be wives. Please believe the saying is true, what you won’t do another woman will. But women apply that common wisdom more to sex than to anything else. Even something as simple as a home cooked meal can set you apart from the baby-mamas of the world. Add the willingness to work in cooperation with a man instead of beating him in the head withour so-called independence and instead of being alone women may find that “good man” we all say we are looking for.
You don’t lose your identity because you become a wife, you simply take on a new one and intertwine with another. Women don’t understand that anymore. We have as much responsibility in making a family work as a man does. And you can’t have a family if you have to be “independent.” We have to re-learn how to be inter-dependant and a part of a team.
“Happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them”
“It occurred to us from observation and reasoning, that extramarital sex was not what really destroyed marriages, but rather the lies and deception that invariably accompanied it–that was the culprit. So we decided to give ourselves permission to sleep with other partners if we wished–as long as what we did was honest as well as private, and that neither of us exposed the family to scandal or disease. We had to be discreet and, if the word can be apt, honorable in our behavior, both to ourselves, to whomever else might be involved and most of all to the family.”~Source “In This Life Together with Ossie and Ruby” A joint biography page 317.
I have always admired Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis, who at the time of his death in 2005 had been married for 56 years. It amazed me that even in the world of Hollywood they remained true to themselves and each other and did what worked best for them. It was crazy in reading their joint biography that I learned that what worked for them was having an open marriage. As I read further I came across a quote by Ruby, “But we both came to realize that we were very fortunate that, in all of the deep profound, fundamental ways, we really, really only wanted each other. It was like rediscovery of something from the beginning. But often Ossie has said-and I’ve thought too-the best way to have somebody is the let it go. If it doesn’t come back you are free in another kind of sense-in that you find the strength to let go and wish somebody well.”
During one of my many debates I was hit with the question, “How can you be a wife if you have no idea what being a wife looks like?” This was food for thought that caused me to really question what a healthy marriage looks like. What does being a wife truly mean? Girls these days are so quick to refer to themselves as “wifey” when they have no clue what being a wife looks like. Growing up I was exposed to healthy relationships and marriages from a very young age. Although I was raised by my mother, I spent a lot of time with my Granny who as of this past July has been married to my grandfather for over 30 years.
It’s sad to say but people don’t stay married that long anymore, our generation is full of men and women who are content with being a baby-mama or baby-daddy. In my opinion this is completely backwards, why would you set yourself up to have to raise your child or children alone? There is no security of any kind in just being a “baby-mama”. I don’t want to sound like the pot calling the kettle black, because I am a “baby-mama”, however growing up that was never in the plan this is also one mistake I will never make again. In no way am I discrediting any woman who has had children out of wedlock but I know from experience that isn’t what women want. We want a family. As I get older and come closer to my 30’s I am preparing myself to be a wife. (Notice I said WIFE, not live-in, not wifey). One thing that is a constant teaching for me is that GOD created woman, one of his greatest creations, and he made us from man to be with man. It is also my belief that in taking the time to create ME, GOD created someone just for me in his likeness. I have said it before and I will say it again, we get so comfortable in not being committed that we give ourselves to people who are undeserving and unappreciative. Not only do we end up baby-mamas but we end up being looked at as “hoes” and we all know ain’t no man interested in turning a hoe into a housewife.
I don’t think any woman wakes up one day and says “I feel like being somebody’s baby-mama”, but plenty of women wake up with the thought of being someone’s wife. Every man has a different idea of what his wife should look like, act like etc., but the idea of what a wife should be should be the same across the board. Most young women (not all) were raised in the era of single mothers, so a wife is not something they saw daily. The role of a woman has become lost in what I like to call a gender war. Women want to be so head strong in their independence to compete with men, that the idea of doing for a man or taking care of home becomes null and void. Most men who were raised by their mother or grandmother tend to want a woman who will mirror the life they had growing up. A woman who cooks, cleans, listens and comforts. A woman who is always his help never his hurt, a woman who takes pride in taking care of her home (husband and children included) with no complaints. A woman who does all of this while, maintaining her own independence by working and going to school and is confident in herself and her spirituality is what defines a wife.
Show me a man that says this isn’t what he wants and I’ll show you a man who is a liar. This generation of women thinks that cooking for a man makes her submissive or docile. That’s just too much of a burden because she goes to school and works all day. I call that just being stubborn. If women say that they can do it all they can’t claim that taking care of a family that includes a husband is too much. Does school and work stop that same woman from cooking and caring for her children without the presence of their father or any other man? Women today have too many don’t do’s and wont do’s all tied up into being independent. But depending on a family isn’t something to fear or be ashamed of. Doing for a husband has rewards that so-called independence can’t have. Today’s women don’t realize that marriage is a partnership. If she cooks one night he’ll cook another if that’s what THEY come up with as a team. Husbands and wives are supposed to be teammates playing the game of life together. And who wouldn’t appreciate the security of a reliable partner. So instead of putting conditions on what we as women won’t do or bow down to we need to think of what we will and must do if we want to be wives. Please believe the saying is true, what you won’t do another woman will. But women apply that common wisdom more to sex than to anything else. Even something as simple as a home cooked meal can set you apart from the baby-mamas of the world. Add the willingness to work in cooperation with a man instead of beating him in the head withour so-called independence and instead of being alone women may find that “good man” we all say we are looking for.
You don’t lose your identity because you become a wife, you simply take on a new one and intertwine with another. Women don’t understand that anymore. We have as much responsibility in making a family work as a man does. And you can’t have a family if you have to be “independent.” We have to re-learn how to be inter-dependant and a part of a team.
“Happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them”
Thursday, July 7, 2011
"Athletes vs Mathletes"
It's common in today's society to see a young woman like myself raising a little boy on her own. Unlike a single woman parenting a young girl the odds are stacked against us. For the past six years I've been told that a woman can't possibly raise a boy into a man, and for the past six years that comment has pissed me off. I'll admit there are aspects of raising a little boy that requires the attention of a male, but if I can teach him how to pee standing up then I can teach him anything. During one of many conversations with a close friend the topic of sports and young black men came up. I'll admit due to the fact that my little one is smaller than most children his age I am hesitant to put him in any contact sport such as football, and because of that I constantly hear, "You're sheltering him too much, you gotta let that boy be a boy." Another thing I constantly hear is that if I don't allow him to get out and participate in team sports that he could end up falling into the wrong crowd or turning to the streets. I am a strong believer in the fact that children (both boys and girls) need to be involved in an extracurricular activity of some sort that puts a strong emphasis on team building in an effort to help them learn to be a functional member of society. After talking to my friend who has played sports all his life and has had no run ins with the law or the streets I decided to research the impact of sports on the lives of African American male youth. After a lot of reading and Googling I found several articles that did in fact link the lack of participation in sports to young men falling into the wrong crowds and ultimately ending up in jail or dead. Most of these "statistics" are based on young black men growing up in single mother households. However, I can not say that I fully agree with the points made, mainly due in part to the fact that in life there are choices, some are right and others are as a wrong as two left shoes. There are more to making the wrong decisions in life than whether or not you took part in sports growing up. On the other hand I am a strong believer that "An idol mind is the devil's playground" and if a child is not kept busy he/she will find something to get themselves into to get busy. This necessarily doesn't mean that the only way a single mother raising her son can keep him from running the streets or robbing people is to make him play football or basketball. To better make my case against sports being the only measure to keep kids out of jail I identified several success stories of African American men who were raised by just a mother or grandmother that do not include him ever having to dribble a ball or score a touchdown to make six figures.Don't get me wrong I am not saying that allowing young boys (specifically those of color) to play an organized sport is a bad thing, for some this is what they aspire to do and it proves to be a gift. One thing I have noticed with my generation of parents is that we are so busy forcing our little boys to play sports that we stop putting an emphasis on education. It doesn't matter that "Man-Man" is 18 and can't read at middle school level as long as he can catch the ball and run it. This is what makes our young men a stereotype. It is already thought to be true by other races that the only thing black kids have to offer is either a profound gift of music or stellar athletics. It is thoughts and ideas such as this that keep our children believing there is nothing more for them outside of the NBA or NFL. As parents we need to stop placing such a high importance on being the next LeBron and start grooming the next Bill Gates, there needs to be a important message starting at home that while its ok to be talented on the field but its more important to excel in the classroom. We as not only African Americans but as parents have to get out of the mindset that there is nothing better out there for our children to strive towards, that they can't go to college unless it's on an athletic scholarship. I will not force anything on my son as I see a lot of parents do, however I am going to push education as being the driving force to his success in not only school but life, there is nothing wrong with instead of him wanting a bike for Christmas, he asked for a telescope to be able to study the stars and the moon. It is not the basketball or football coach that got my son awarded the Star Scientist award at Kindergarten graduation it was the message he received at home that it was ok to be smart and want to learn. Don't get it confused, I am no fool, so I will not ignore the fact that my six year old has one hell of a pitching arm and needs to be on someone's little league team, but unfortunately for Pujols Jr, school work comes first.
Friday, June 3, 2011
"SORRY"~as written by Ntozake Shange
~The lady in red spoke this poem in "For Colored Girls" and I think there is a piece of this poem we all can relate to.~ I love this poem
"One thing I don’t need
is any more apologies
I got sorry greetin me at my front door
you can keep yours.
I don’t know what to do wit em
they don't open doors
or bring the sun back.
They dont make me happy
or get a mornin paper
didn't nobody stop usin my tears to wash cars.
Cuz a sorry
I am simply tired
of collectin
I didn't know
I was so important to you
I’m gonna haveta throw some away
I can't get to the clothes in my closet
for alla the sorries.
I’m gonna tack a sign to my door
leave a message by the phone
‘if you called
to say your sorry
call somebody
else!
I don't use em anymore’
I let sorry/ didn't meanta/ & how could I know about that?
Take a walk down a dark & musty street in brooklyn!
I’m gonna do exactly what I want to
& I won't be sorry for none of it!
Letta sorry soothe your soul/ I’m gonna soothe mine!
You were always inconsistent
doin somethin & then bein sorry
beatin my heart to death!
Talkin bout you sorry well,
I will not call,
I’m not goin to be nice,
I will raise my voice,
& scream & holler
& break things & race the engine
& tell all your secrets bout yourself to your face
& I will list in detail everyone of my wonderful lovers
& their ways I will play oliver lake loud!
& I wont be sorry for none of it
I LOVED YOU ON PURPOSE,I WAS OPEN ON PURPOSE!
I still crave vulnerability & close talk
& I’m not even sorry bout you bein sorry!
you can carry all the guilt & grime ya wanna
just dont give it to me!
I cant use another sorry
next time
you should admit
you’re mean/ low-down/ triflin/ & no count straight out
steada bein sorry alla the time
enjoy bein YOURSELF"
"One thing I don’t need
is any more apologies
I got sorry greetin me at my front door
you can keep yours.
I don’t know what to do wit em
they don't open doors
or bring the sun back.
They dont make me happy
or get a mornin paper
didn't nobody stop usin my tears to wash cars.
Cuz a sorry
I am simply tired
of collectin
I didn't know
I was so important to you
I’m gonna haveta throw some away
I can't get to the clothes in my closet
for alla the sorries.
I’m gonna tack a sign to my door
leave a message by the phone
‘if you called
to say your sorry
call somebody
else!
I don't use em anymore’
I let sorry/ didn't meanta/ & how could I know about that?
Take a walk down a dark & musty street in brooklyn!
I’m gonna do exactly what I want to
& I won't be sorry for none of it!
Letta sorry soothe your soul/ I’m gonna soothe mine!
You were always inconsistent
doin somethin & then bein sorry
beatin my heart to death!
Talkin bout you sorry well,
I will not call,
I’m not goin to be nice,
I will raise my voice,
& scream & holler
& break things & race the engine
& tell all your secrets bout yourself to your face
& I will list in detail everyone of my wonderful lovers
& their ways I will play oliver lake loud!
& I wont be sorry for none of it
I LOVED YOU ON PURPOSE,I WAS OPEN ON PURPOSE!
I still crave vulnerability & close talk
& I’m not even sorry bout you bein sorry!
you can carry all the guilt & grime ya wanna
just dont give it to me!
I cant use another sorry
next time
you should admit
you’re mean/ low-down/ triflin/ & no count straight out
steada bein sorry alla the time
enjoy bein YOURSELF"
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Dear Walt Disney, FUCK U Sir (By Cryss Renee)
One of my good friends who is now a published Authoress wrote this and being the hopeless fantasizer that I am I fell in love with it. She tells it like it is with no holding back. Enjoy!
Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury! I am here today to shatter the myth, to dispel any rumors, and bring awareness of the danger of fairy tales. I shall not indulge in an argumentative debate, nor am I purposely trying to shine a negative light upon happy endings. The United States of Cryserica is here to present the facts. Without a shadow of a doubt I will prove that Walt Disney, all it entities, and any other fairytale writer have done more harm than good with their misogynistic macho filled “fairytales”.
If you will, I would like to present Exhibit A: The Damsel In Distress Stories. After going through the archives I have noticed, multiple Disney books or movies all have the same story line with a twist here and there. Pretty girl, jealous enemy (always a woman), girl gets hurt, prince comes in and saves the day, the girl is so grateful she walks off into the sunset with him. The first story ever read to myself as a child was Cinderella. I remembered listening and being completely fascinated with the ball and her dancing with the prince. I also remember the bad such as her step mom and step sisters making her a slave. At 5, my mind thought, “Why won’t she runaway from the house that treats her so bad, she’s grown right?” After that one night of bliss at the ball she was thrown back into hell. Who came to her rescue? The prince, he had somehow searched high and low and was so mighty and strong he found her. Never mind the fact that they lived in a kingdom that had plenty of women. Cinderella was the ONLY woman who could fit a size whatever shoe. (This right here is where you scream BULL-SHAT). In another story a fair maiden that went by the name of Snow White who was saved by a man and whisked off to the woods, rescued from homelessness by seven dwarfs (even vertically challenged men can save the day) and brought back to life by (you guessed it) a man. Every last one of their princess stories have the “damsel in distress” syndrome. To me (and when it’s to me it’s really to you as well) these stories suggest that women aren’t strong enough to save themselves, only a man can save you.
Exhibit B: Women hate other women that are prettier, smarter, etc. In the story ofSleeping Beauty, Aurora is cursed by an ugly old witch, who despised her for being born beautiful. The witch’s jealousy was so great she wanted Aurora to die. (Now we see this everyday all day but it’s only because we have been reading stories like this, which have brainwashed us since birth). Still not enough proof? How about The Little Mermaid? Ursula hated Ariel because she was young with beautiful flowing hair. (which clearly sends the message “you should be jealous of the younger hotter chick) Instead of being the elderly mother like figure to her, Ursula instead tried to ruin her life by allowing her to fall in love only to try and take it away from her. Mainly all of their stories, except for The Princess and The Frog, have step mothers that are mean and spiteful. Self hatred towards women is deeply subliminal in the Disney stories.
Exhibit C: Love always ends happily! If you will beg my pardon as I scream BOO FUCKIN WHO!!! In order to sell their books and movies, Disney has tugged at the heart of naïve girls who would one day become hopeful women. By merely suggesting in every story that love is obtainable to everyone. Now I am not cold hearted and bitter at all (well maybe a tad bit, but that’s not the point). It’s just that I was the little girl who once believed that I could wear a princess gown, go through a traumatic experience, and one day a handsome rich guy would come along and wife me up. Yeah I believed it because it was written in black and white, right before my eyes. I watched those movies and cried tears of joy at the endings. I was a princess too and I deserved that “fairytale love”. Well when love came a knocking I eagerly answered that door. Only to find myself heartbroken and without this “fairytale” life that I had been brainwashed to believe in.
So I say to you today good people, do not believe everything you read or see (unless its in the land of Cryss). You have to live your life based on real life events. I am not endorsing giving up on love, but I am endorsing letting go of the Disney fairytales. Love may “conquer all” but fairytales are clearly the bull shit you have to dance in to get to it. Enjoy your two step people!!!
Written by Crystal Barnett
To Appreciate or Not Appreciate?
It's a known fact that women are emotionally driven creatures, some of the smallest of comments or incidents can send us spiraling into a down pour of emotion and tears. This is normal and to be expected, but from a woman of course. For some reason people tend to take that fact that men are and can be sometimes just as emotionally driven as women. We tend to take for granted the fact that men have feelings just like we do,or that men get tired the same way we do. For example, take the man who wakes up at 5am every morning, cooks breakfast for four children (in which only two are biologically linked to him but that doesn't matter cause he loves you AND YOUR children), goes to work for 8 hours only to come home to answer a million and one questions from these same four children, give them baths and put them to bed. (All of this while having a spouse.) You think he doesn't want or need a break every now and then? You think he wouldn't appreciate a night off? As women we see this and think, "OMG my man is great! I love him." This is a cool way of thinking, that's the way should you feel about your man, but for some reason it just doesn't click to us that while he knows that he is loved, he doesn't feel as though he is appreciated. A woman is quick to open her mouth and air her grievances, about how she doesn't feel wanted, she doesn't feel appreciated and a long laundry list of other things she doesn't feel, a man on the other hand is not going to do that (at least not a straight man anyway) because it is not a part of their swag. But, just like women, men have a breaking point and can only take so much unappreciative attitude and behavior before he snaps and is ready to leave your ungrateful ass right where you stand. When this finally does happen women so quick to fall all out, start screaming and crying like she is trying to win an Oscar being all dramatic. That does NOTHING to a man that is fed up, he will look at you doing all that extra shit and keep walking. One thing I have learned is that a good man is hard to find, so when you get one hold on to him and treat him like the king that he was born to be. Most women have this dumb ass notion that by treating a man the way he is SUPPOSED to be treated that she is becoming submissive. (That's a whole nother can of worms though). All men really want the same thing, to be appreciated the same way he appreciates you, the least you could do as a WOMAN is fulfill that. It is not that difficult. If he isn't feeling appreciated at home, trust and believe HE will get appreciated someway but someone.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Growing Pains
It will be 6 years on April 15th that my life changed forever. I wasn't expecting my first son to be born until May 27th 2005, however he decided to make his debut early and was delivered April 15th, 2005 at 1:18pm. I must say like most 19 year olds I wasn't exactly ready to be a mother, however I got my walking legs early. It has been a rough 6 years but Laethan and I have made it do what it do and we are getting along just fine. I've learned the meaning of uncoditional love and would gladly give my life to save his without hesitation ANYDAY. Single mothers of little boys have it the hardest because they say a woman can't possibly raise a boy to be a man. I couldn't disagree more, it may take a lot more time and effort but it can and is being done everyday. I am proud to be the mother of an amazing little boy who on April 15th will be celebrating his 6th birthday!! Happy Birthday Laethan!!! 
"Motivation"
With a song like this and video to match, I don't think anyone can deny that Kelly Rowland is making a successful and sexy comeback! GET EM Kelly!
We Got Hood Love
Now I play tough..but not for too long. You are someone I depend on. No matter how I act at times I could never walk away. Thought about it plenty times but nonone could take ya place. We got hood love.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
"Never Date a Writer"
I was having a conversation recently with a fellow female writer when she brought up Alex Stephens, the author of a short story called "Never Date a Writer". When I say this short story is so epic and true that I want to share it with everyone I come in contact with I am not joking. Everything he says is true so I decided to share this with my readers. Enjoy :)
She’ll describe times you embarrassed her, like at a party. It was her party because she was leaving for three months, and all her friends were there to see her off. People bought her champagne, which was never chilled, but you drank it anyway and that was after you had had whiskey. She’ll talk about how you played strip poker with others. And she walked in to see your clothes bunched up on the floor, next to smashed cigarette butts. She’ll say how she had to cover you with a coat because all her friends laughed about it, and so did you. Then she’ll describe how later, when she didn’t want to leave you and she wanted to be held, she heard you vomit in the bathroom. She’ll say how she had to make sure you were still alive and how she saw your face pressed against the toilet and how your legs shook on the tile. And she said your name and asked if you were okay and you just stared at her through half opened eyelids and looked away. She’ll say she couldn’t make love to you and she had to stay up and make coffee, before you took her to the airport.
She’ll continue this emphasis on what you had done to her, by describing things she had found, but said nothing about. Like when she opened your wallet to slide twenty dollars inside, because you had bought her dinner. She’ll say how she sat on the hardwood floor where the heat couldn’t reach and she shivered. She’ll explain the condom she found, and how it was lubricated and had small writing on the package she couldn’t see because her eyes watered. She’ll talk about the note she found from a girl she didn’t know but you did because in the scribbled handwriting she could make out your name. You were asleep on the bed and she was on the floor. She’ll tell the reader how she held her legs and tapped her chin against her knee. And she decided that it’s not wrong for men to have friends, because all men have friends, so she closed the wallet and slept without a blanket on the floor.
She’ll later describe the moment in the bedroom when she sat at the foot of the bed and you kneeled in front of her. She’ll give you short choppy dialogue, so that you sound distant. She’ll tell the reader how you said it’s not that you didn’t love her but you couldn’t be with her and that it’s more your fault than hers, except she’ll tell it much more compellingly. She’ll describe how she choked on her tears and tried not to vomit right in front of you. And how she looked at the poster on the wall, the one she bought for you and how the different colors turned together when you spoke. She’ll say how the bed you had brought from your place felt like steel and she couldn’t move because her legs were welded there and she could only listen to you and watch the colors of the room turn gray.
And she’ll send you a manuscript and you’ll be on the couch where you both had sat and you’ll read every word. You’ll notice she didn’t tell things, like the time you had to see her because she had been sick with the flu and unable to get out of bed. And you ran from the campus to her apartment to make sure she was okay. You ran in the dark and there was so much snow that your legs began to freeze. And she won’t tell the reader how you didn’t have gloves or good shoes and you couldn’t see the patch of ice and you slipped. She won’t tell them you slipped. You twisted your ankle and your face landed in a snow bank. She won’t describe the taste in your mouth, how you pulled yourself up and limped up to her apartment. You used the key she’d just given you and she won’t say how nice it was being able to enter unannounced. And she won’t say how good it was to see her asleep and that you kissed her on the top of her head and then staggered home. She won’t move into your head and explain how much you really loved her. How you almost started to cry when you walked. You shook from the wind but felt safe because she was.
You’ll sit alone on that couch where you made love to her and you won’t move and the glass of whiskey on the table will not be touched. You won’t get up to turn up the lights and you won’t get up to use the restroom even though you have to. You’ll sit in the dim of your living room. And you will read.
~I tried to find a website for Alex Stephens but had no luck. This left me speechless and in tears. This is great work.~
"Never Date a Writer"
Never date a writer because she’ll fictionalize everything. She’ll write about things you have done to her, or things you never did for her. She’ll write about how you never bought her flowers. Not once. She’ll say in well-constructed prose how the whole time you were together, she never came home from a long week to see a vase full of roses, or daises, or anything.
She’ll describe times you embarrassed her, like at a party. It was her party because she was leaving for three months, and all her friends were there to see her off. People bought her champagne, which was never chilled, but you drank it anyway and that was after you had had whiskey. She’ll talk about how you played strip poker with others. And she walked in to see your clothes bunched up on the floor, next to smashed cigarette butts. She’ll say how she had to cover you with a coat because all her friends laughed about it, and so did you. Then she’ll describe how later, when she didn’t want to leave you and she wanted to be held, she heard you vomit in the bathroom. She’ll say how she had to make sure you were still alive and how she saw your face pressed against the toilet and how your legs shook on the tile. And she said your name and asked if you were okay and you just stared at her through half opened eyelids and looked away. She’ll say she couldn’t make love to you and she had to stay up and make coffee, before you took her to the airport.
She’ll continue this emphasis on what you had done to her, by describing things she had found, but said nothing about. Like when she opened your wallet to slide twenty dollars inside, because you had bought her dinner. She’ll say how she sat on the hardwood floor where the heat couldn’t reach and she shivered. She’ll explain the condom she found, and how it was lubricated and had small writing on the package she couldn’t see because her eyes watered. She’ll talk about the note she found from a girl she didn’t know but you did because in the scribbled handwriting she could make out your name. You were asleep on the bed and she was on the floor. She’ll tell the reader how she held her legs and tapped her chin against her knee. And she decided that it’s not wrong for men to have friends, because all men have friends, so she closed the wallet and slept without a blanket on the floor.
She’ll later describe the moment in the bedroom when she sat at the foot of the bed and you kneeled in front of her. She’ll give you short choppy dialogue, so that you sound distant. She’ll tell the reader how you said it’s not that you didn’t love her but you couldn’t be with her and that it’s more your fault than hers, except she’ll tell it much more compellingly. She’ll describe how she choked on her tears and tried not to vomit right in front of you. And how she looked at the poster on the wall, the one she bought for you and how the different colors turned together when you spoke. She’ll say how the bed you had brought from your place felt like steel and she couldn’t move because her legs were welded there and she could only listen to you and watch the colors of the room turn gray.
And she’ll send you a manuscript and you’ll be on the couch where you both had sat and you’ll read every word. You’ll notice she didn’t tell things, like the time you had to see her because she had been sick with the flu and unable to get out of bed. And you ran from the campus to her apartment to make sure she was okay. You ran in the dark and there was so much snow that your legs began to freeze. And she won’t tell the reader how you didn’t have gloves or good shoes and you couldn’t see the patch of ice and you slipped. She won’t tell them you slipped. You twisted your ankle and your face landed in a snow bank. She won’t describe the taste in your mouth, how you pulled yourself up and limped up to her apartment. You used the key she’d just given you and she won’t say how nice it was being able to enter unannounced. And she won’t say how good it was to see her asleep and that you kissed her on the top of her head and then staggered home. She won’t move into your head and explain how much you really loved her. How you almost started to cry when you walked. You shook from the wind but felt safe because she was.
You’ll sit alone on that couch where you made love to her and you won’t move and the glass of whiskey on the table will not be touched. You won’t get up to turn up the lights and you won’t get up to use the restroom even though you have to. You’ll sit in the dim of your living room. And you will read.
~I tried to find a website for Alex Stephens but had no luck. This left me speechless and in tears. This is great work.~
Thursday, March 24, 2011
"What if a Woman"
"What if a woman, had a man on the side and she never spent time with you.
What if a woman, said she's working late and it's always the same excuse.
What if a woman, took the keys to your whip said I'll be right back
don't trip. What if a woman left you home with the kids
changing diapers and shit what a twist." ~"What if a Woman" by Joe ~
What if a woman, said she's working late and it's always the same excuse.
What if a woman, took the keys to your whip said I'll be right back
don't trip. What if a woman left you home with the kids
changing diapers and shit what a twist." ~"What if a Woman" by Joe ~
That is a good question, what if a woman did all the things to her man that he does to her? What if women had no regard for the way we treated the men we dealt with? Relationships are a double standard. Men can treat women any which way they please and its ok, because he's a man and by society's standard that's what men do. Women on the other hand are supposed to just sit back and take it, because again that's what by society's definition and ideas women are supposed to do. Well that's BULLSHIT! Women are people too and just as equal as men in this day and age so the idea that men can get away with treating his woman like trash is antiquated and foolish. If a woman were to cheat on a man and make him feel insecure then she is a hoe or evil, men get a pat on the ass. In reality, men couldn't handle being treated half as bad as a woman, they just aren't equipped for that. Men can dish it but they can't take it. A man can be sleeping with women all over town but let him find out that another man has even taken interest in his woman, he gone be ready to fight everybody including his woman. The question is why though? Why are you so upset that another man is doing to YOUR woman what you were doing to ANOTHER woman? I'm confused. Men think it's ok it play with women like a toy, throw her around, step on her, mistreat and misuse her then when she is all damaged and broken put her back on the self for someone else to fix. It's selfish and it's wrong, then the next man who may very well be a very decent, sincere man who is nothing like the last will get dogged because she is too scared of being put back on the shelf. Women shouldn't have to wear a sign that says "DAMAGED GOODS HANDLE WITH CARE" so that the next man knows why she's so angry, bitter and jaded. Women are emotional by nature and to take advantage of that is a slap in GOD's face because we were put here as a companion for man so to be unappreciated is being unappreciative of GOD's creation.
So you tell me, if I were to do all the shit that you do to ME to YOU could you take it? I'll answer that, HELL NO!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
WHAT TO WEAR???
As I stated in my previous post one of my closets friends Jen is getting married in May. Essentially I was supposed to be a bridesmaid, then I wasn't, then I was now I'm not. So in an effort to make everyone happy on HER day, my dear sweet friend has decided that I am a very special guest at her wedding sitting me near the front with her family. In a way I was angry that I am not a bridesmaid, not because I wanted to be but it would have made my wardrobe dilemma non existent. So now that I am not in the wedding and attending as a special guest, I have to find something to wear. All things taken into consideration, the style of the wedding, the style of the bride and groom, the time of day and location I have to make sure I am up to standard. Playing dress up is one of my favorite things to do, feeling like a princess for just a moment is always fun.
I have been searching for the perfect dress for the past 2 months, I tried to go the easy route and order my dress online. Needless to say this has become a FAIL! I ordered a pale peach colored full length sweetheart dress. The dress was strapless and extremely pretty in the picture, when I got it in the mail I was deeply disappointed.
In an attempt to step outside of my comfort zone by getting a dress any color but black I wasn't happy at all with my choice, not only was the color off but so was the material and the way the dress fit. So I am back to square one, I had to stop and ask myself, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO WEAR TO AN AFTER FIVE WEDDING?" A million and one questions are going through my mind and I am driving myself crazy. Can you wear black? Are pant acceptable since it's not in a church? If I do wear a dress can it be long or short? Will I look like a club goer if I wear a short dress? HUUUGGH!! I'm starting to think I need to actually go dress shopping and stop being lazy. I think I am just as stressed being a GUEST at this wedding as the BRIDE is about being the BRIDE!
I have been searching for the perfect dress for the past 2 months, I tried to go the easy route and order my dress online. Needless to say this has become a FAIL! I ordered a pale peach colored full length sweetheart dress. The dress was strapless and extremely pretty in the picture, when I got it in the mail I was deeply disappointed.
In an attempt to step outside of my comfort zone by getting a dress any color but black I wasn't happy at all with my choice, not only was the color off but so was the material and the way the dress fit. So I am back to square one, I had to stop and ask myself, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO WEAR TO AN AFTER FIVE WEDDING?" A million and one questions are going through my mind and I am driving myself crazy. Can you wear black? Are pant acceptable since it's not in a church? If I do wear a dress can it be long or short? Will I look like a club goer if I wear a short dress? HUUUGGH!! I'm starting to think I need to actually go dress shopping and stop being lazy. I think I am just as stressed being a GUEST at this wedding as the BRIDE is about being the BRIDE!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Jumping the Broom
Over the weekend I attended one of my best friend's bridal showers, to be honest this was my first and her wedding will be the first wedding that I attend that isn't some old person my grandparents know. Although this is the first of my friends' weddings that I will be attending does not mean I do not have any friends that aren't married, as a matter of fact my married friends out number my single friends. Needless to say as with all major life events such as marriage or child birth, I am starting to get the itch. (You know the itch when your friend tells you she's engaged and you start wondering when is your time coming? Yeah that one.) So as I'm sitting with another friend who is also single I lean over and tell her "You know Michelle I don't think you and I will ever be sitting where Jen is. We are going to be single forever." All we both could do was shake our heads because this is showing to be a true statement.
As almost all little girls do growing up I have dreamt of my wedding day and what it will be like for as long as I can remember. I know what my colors are going to be, how many bridesmaids I want, I even know what my bouquet will be made up of (Gardenias of course). So I have all of these wonderful details about my big day mapped out but there is just one small problem, I am missing a groom! (As insignificant as he is on that day he is still a crucial part of the plan.) This missing piece of the puzzle has led me to question myself and the possibility that I may never get married. YES I SAID IT! I am accepting the fact that I may be single or unmarried for the rest of my life. Am I ok with this? No, I mean who wants to spend their life shacking up? Especially when you're in love. Now I will say this, I personally believe that marriage on paper is a waste of time and that it is the vows made under the sight of GOD that are important. (This is just me) That little piece of paper doesn't define your relationship and it is the words and commitment that is made before family, friends and the all mighty that define it. Again none of these facts ease my mind in knowing that I may be destined for solitude. Although I have been in a relationship for the past 4 years, I still have to wonder and ask myself, "Where is this going? Are we going to continue on a path to nowhere or will we eventually end up in happily ever after?" Sometimes I believe that titles often ruin a relationship by giving it too much responsibility, but that's a post all it's on. So with all that being said I ask is jumping the broom really a MUST in this day and age or is it best to just let things be if they are working the way they are? Is a dress, cake and being a princess for a day really all that important?
As almost all little girls do growing up I have dreamt of my wedding day and what it will be like for as long as I can remember. I know what my colors are going to be, how many bridesmaids I want, I even know what my bouquet will be made up of (Gardenias of course). So I have all of these wonderful details about my big day mapped out but there is just one small problem, I am missing a groom! (As insignificant as he is on that day he is still a crucial part of the plan.) This missing piece of the puzzle has led me to question myself and the possibility that I may never get married. YES I SAID IT! I am accepting the fact that I may be single or unmarried for the rest of my life. Am I ok with this? No, I mean who wants to spend their life shacking up? Especially when you're in love. Now I will say this, I personally believe that marriage on paper is a waste of time and that it is the vows made under the sight of GOD that are important. (This is just me) That little piece of paper doesn't define your relationship and it is the words and commitment that is made before family, friends and the all mighty that define it. Again none of these facts ease my mind in knowing that I may be destined for solitude. Although I have been in a relationship for the past 4 years, I still have to wonder and ask myself, "Where is this going? Are we going to continue on a path to nowhere or will we eventually end up in happily ever after?" Sometimes I believe that titles often ruin a relationship by giving it too much responsibility, but that's a post all it's on. So with all that being said I ask is jumping the broom really a MUST in this day and age or is it best to just let things be if they are working the way they are? Is a dress, cake and being a princess for a day really all that important?
"Something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue."
Thursday, March 10, 2011
The Great Debate "These Three Words"
"I love you" These three very simple words can change the entire dynamic of any relationship the moment they escape your lips. Sometimes these words are often used in the heat of the moment during sex or used as a go to in the heat of an argument, then there are times when it only seems appropriate to express your true feelings for the person you are with. During a conversation with some friends these simple words started a debate. "Luv u" "ILY" "Love you too" these are the most commonly used ways of expressing love to your significant other, but do they really mean the same thing? In my opinion it does not, when expressing the way that you feel for someone you are in a relationship with (Boyfriend, girlfriend, life partner or husband etc) the words LUV U hold no true meaning, neither does LOVE YOU. To shorten these words via conversation or text is to denounce your feelings. Its acceptable to say I LUV YA to your girlfriends (you know your homegirls) but not to someone you are intimate with or intend to spend your life with. This is almost the same as saying, "Hmmm I'm going to say it because I know its what you want to hear but I'm not committing to those actual feelings for you." This is just my opinion and everyone sees things differently but to profess your love to someone only for them to say "Love you too" is a slap in the face. What do you think?
Love is something that people often throw around, people often times don't have a clue what it means to truly step outside themselves and love another person that is not family just as much as they love themselves. People use love as a way to get what they want, to get someone to have sex with them. In the words of Halle Berry as Angela in "Boomerang" "I am tired of men using love like its a disease you just catch." Telling someone you love them just to please them or get something out of them can be harmful to you and them. People do crazy things when they are heartbroken, so think before you play with someone's heart by telling them love them and really don't.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Who is Silas the Stylist?? REALLY?
I’ll never forget the first time I met Silas, he was doing tattoos in Black Pearl, the only reason I noticed this lively young man was because all of his creative tattoos and his amazing voice as he sang while working. That was over 5 years ago and I have watched this triple threat of a man evolve into something great. I know who Silas the Stylist is but I think it’s time for the entire Whirl to see beyond him being Roland’s nephew and take a look into the life of this anything but ordinary young man.
Silas Brown aka Silas the Stylist has become quite a known name in St. Louis over the past year. I remember seeing him for the first time in over a year last October in the Loft. “Harlem, that was only a minor set back to prepare me for a major comeback.” I have since seen that manifest into something great.
So who is Silas the Stylist? “That’s a good question; I am style and swag in the flesh. I am anything but ordinary.” Always the confident borderline arrogant individual, you can’t help but love Silas. He without hesitation gave me the raw unedited answers that you have to appreciate. “There is more to me than what meets the eye; people tend to judge a book by its cover when they see me. I am not this weird dude with tattoos and crazy hair, I’ve got talents that have yet to be seen.” Silas was exposed to the St. Louis entertainment industry from working in his uncle’s tattoo shop, Black Pearl, everyone knows that’s the home of Young Ro (who obviously is Silas’ younger cousin) “It is important that people see me for who I am and not just as Silas from the tattoo shop. I would be discrediting myself if I said that I was a triple threat. I am an artist, a stylist, a host and much more so I guess you can say I’m something like a quadruple threat.” Knowing Silas personally I didn’t have to inquire about him being MIA from late 2009 until late 2010 but he was more than willing to talk about it. “It’s no secret that I spent a little over a year in county. That’s not something that I try to hide, the things I’ve done in the past don’t define who I am or what I’m doing NOW. Everybody makes mistakes it’s what you learn from them that matters.” When asked exactly what he was up to these days Silas smiled before answering. “I’ve got a lot of upcoming projects that I am really excited about. Some of which I can’t discuss yet, but they are sure to be major, I am also working with Tony J on the 2011 Traffic Music Awards, as well as the St. Louis Fashion and Hair Show. It’s so crazy because not too long ago I was locked up and now I’m working on the TMA’s.” “I guess you can say I’m somewhat of a "from nothing to something" even though I have always been something and somebody.
Silas has worked with many of St. Louis’ local artists including Young Ro, Huey, model Alli Nicole as well as yours truly. “I’ve worked with some of the best and I am looking forward to working with many more as well as expanding my brand outside of St. Louis.” Silas says that he enjoys styling the best of the best. “What people fail to realize is that image is everything. My motto is if you look good and market a good product then you good.” In conclusion to our ever so interesting interview I asked Silas how does he define himself. “I am an individual, there is no one else like me. I have earned my respect and I am no longer known as Roland’s nephew.” I couldn’t agree more, I have watched this young man go from young and reckless to mature and about his business. No matter how hard you try you couldn’t judge him nor knock his grind. I look forward to seeing what is in store for this ever so special young man in the months to come. I have faith that he will reach his goal of being known both locally and nationally before the start of 2012.
Silas can be found at Get Set Phase 3 located at 5405 Riverview and via Twitter.com/SilasTheStylist
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Desperado
Have you ever met a certified bed jumper? Known someone who jumps from bed to bed or relationship to relationship in an attempt to fill a void? I heard someone say the other day that "it feels good to be a priority again." For some reason this did something to me, why weren't you a priority to begin with? The problem with a lot of people today is that we are so quick to make someone else a priority when we are only an option for them. Over recent years I have come vastly into my own as a woman, so going into relationships I am well aware of my self worth and value. I am not going to compromise my value for any man by making him a priority over myself. (Am I making sense?) I see people de-value themselves daily in an attempt to make another person happy. Women change they way they wear their hair or the way they dress just because the man they are with doesn't like it or approve. So what?? Obviously he didn't have a problem with it when you were single and he was all over you so what is the problem now? Don't become something that you are not to please others. Now I am not saying there is anything wrong with compromising as an effort to make your relationship work, but there is a fine line between compromise and submission.
Men are also guilty of doing things out of desperation. Men have to be the tough ones so they put on a show, like they can't get their feelings hurt. Then they go jump from chick to chick trying to prove a point. (Give it up! If you are hurt just say that.) There is no point in lowering your self worth just to make your ex jealous. There are too many diseases out here to be bed jumping. It is human nature to be heartbroken, but the rebound isn't going to heal that hurt it only covers it up like Maybelline. Now I am no relationship expert and these are merely my opinions and observations, but from what I have seen they are accurate. It takes time to heal any wound, settling only makes you look like a desperado. Just my thoughts though, I mean who am I??
Men are also guilty of doing things out of desperation. Men have to be the tough ones so they put on a show, like they can't get their feelings hurt. Then they go jump from chick to chick trying to prove a point. (Give it up! If you are hurt just say that.) There is no point in lowering your self worth just to make your ex jealous. There are too many diseases out here to be bed jumping. It is human nature to be heartbroken, but the rebound isn't going to heal that hurt it only covers it up like Maybelline. Now I am no relationship expert and these are merely my opinions and observations, but from what I have seen they are accurate. It takes time to heal any wound, settling only makes you look like a desperado. Just my thoughts though, I mean who am I??
Monday, February 14, 2011
Florida Evans 101
Growing up I was raised by my mother, a single parent and my grandmother who has been married now for over 40 years. I can honestly say I was exposed to what it means to be a wife and a mother from watching these two women. In a previous post I talked about young women these days not knowing what it looks like or means to be a wife, they'd rather settle for being a "babymama". To me this is ass backwards, why put yourself in a situation where you could end up raising your children alone? Yes I said my mother was a single parent but that was due to divorce, I was not the product of fornication. Yes I am a babymama but that was never the plan but now that I am I have to make the best of things. That is one mistake I will never make again, I am getting older and am ready to be a wife. (Notice I said WIFE not live-in, in house or girlfriend.) Unbeknownst to many I am a devout christian, I believe in GOD and the word. Therefore believing that woman is made from man for man. (Sounds prehistoric I know but this is what I was taught.) I am a strong believer in soul mates and there being that one person that GOD made just for me. To think that HE took the time to create someone only for me is an amazing feeling, so why would I not want to prepare myself, mind, body and spirit for him? As women we sometimes fail to realize that we are one of GOD's greatest creations, without us there would be no life. We give ourselves to people who are undeserving and what happens?? We end up a babymama!
I take notes from the women I grew up watching, my mother, grandmother, Florida Evans and Claire Huxtable. A man wants to be treated like a man, made to feel like a man, a King none the less. I am not saying submit by any means but allow that man to play his role, in order to do that you must know yours. Get in the kitchen and make him a meal, listen to him talk about his day, be his solace in times or turmoil but most of all commit you him 100%. (Lets not forget all the freaky ish you need to do in the bedroom.) Be a woman to your man and you will be a wife....
I take notes from the women I grew up watching, my mother, grandmother, Florida Evans and Claire Huxtable. A man wants to be treated like a man, made to feel like a man, a King none the less. I am not saying submit by any means but allow that man to play his role, in order to do that you must know yours. Get in the kitchen and make him a meal, listen to him talk about his day, be his solace in times or turmoil but most of all commit you him 100%. (Lets not forget all the freaky ish you need to do in the bedroom.) Be a woman to your man and you will be a wife....
In this Together~Ossie and Ruby
"It occurred to us from observation and reasoning, that extramarital sex was not what really destroyed marriages, but rather the lies and deception that invariably accompanied it--that was the culprit. So we decided to give ourselves permission to sleep with other partners if we wished--as long as what we did was honest as well as private, and that neither of us exposed the family to scandal or disease. we had to be discreet and, if the word can be apt, honorable in our behavior, both to ourselves, to whomever else might be involved and most of all to the family." ~Source "In This Life Together with Ossie and Ruby" A joint biography page 317
You could have bought me for a penny when I was researching one of Black America's favorite couples and found out they had an open marriage for many years. I have always admired these two and for some reason after learning this I gained a new level of respect for them. As I continued reading I came across a quote by Ruby; "But we both came to realize that we were very fortunate that, in all of the deep profound, fundamental ways, we really, really only wanted each other. It was like rediscovery of something from the beginning. But often Ossie has said-and I've thought too-the best way to have somebody is the let it go. If it doesn't come back you are free in another kind of sense-in that you find the strength to let go and wish somebody well."
This statement alone shows the power of true love, two people who felt that sleeping with other people would somehow free them and allow them the ability to love one another deeply found that they only wanted each other to begin with. While both Ossie and Ruby were married prior to their union they remained happily married for 56 years, when they took their vows it truly was until death, when Ossie passed away in 2005 they were still happily married.
It's sad to say but people just don't stay together that long. Almost as if we are so quick to jump into a relationship without knowing what it takes to make it work or to be healthy. Often times we make fast assumptions on someone being the right person for us without knowing what or who that person truly is, no relationship can survive like that. I look around and I see fewer and fewer healthy black relationships, women constantly dogging men and saying they are this and they are that. Sometimes you have to stop pointing the finger and start working towards a solution. Love of any color is an amazing thing. Make it work.
You could have bought me for a penny when I was researching one of Black America's favorite couples and found out they had an open marriage for many years. I have always admired these two and for some reason after learning this I gained a new level of respect for them. As I continued reading I came across a quote by Ruby; "But we both came to realize that we were very fortunate that, in all of the deep profound, fundamental ways, we really, really only wanted each other. It was like rediscovery of something from the beginning. But often Ossie has said-and I've thought too-the best way to have somebody is the let it go. If it doesn't come back you are free in another kind of sense-in that you find the strength to let go and wish somebody well."
This statement alone shows the power of true love, two people who felt that sleeping with other people would somehow free them and allow them the ability to love one another deeply found that they only wanted each other to begin with. While both Ossie and Ruby were married prior to their union they remained happily married for 56 years, when they took their vows it truly was until death, when Ossie passed away in 2005 they were still happily married.
It's sad to say but people just don't stay together that long. Almost as if we are so quick to jump into a relationship without knowing what it takes to make it work or to be healthy. Often times we make fast assumptions on someone being the right person for us without knowing what or who that person truly is, no relationship can survive like that. I look around and I see fewer and fewer healthy black relationships, women constantly dogging men and saying they are this and they are that. Sometimes you have to stop pointing the finger and start working towards a solution. Love of any color is an amazing thing. Make it work.
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